


And Dare Not Speak Love's Name

by SailorLight22



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:46:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLight22/pseuds/SailorLight22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to invention. Lamui-centric. Visit my archive for fic, media and more. http://asshat.0fees.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Omake 1 - Present  
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This little thing is set about 2 months before the first chapter, just a peek at the relationship between them, but as the summary says, what _really_ matters? Enjoy!  
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Lavi allowed himself to be pushed into his lover's darkened room, feeling his way to the bed as he heard the older man following close behind.

"What did you want to show me, 'Mui?" He asked, his tone insinuating. "It must be something important if it was worth dragging me out of dinner.." He trailed off, frowning at the man's quiet laugh.

"Oh, it's very important." Komui replied, fumbling his way to the night table. "I found something when one of the Finders came back from a mission in Africa.." He switched on the lamp, blinking at the sudden brightness. Turning to face the squinting Exorcist, he continued. "I found it in his pack, it must have snuck in before he boarded his ship."

Lavi smiled weakly. "You kept it?"

The scientist nodded. "It took a while to catch, but it was worth it!" He reached down, pulling a small box from beneath his bed. Presenting it gleefully to the startled redhead, he smiled. "It's a little early to be a birthday present, but as soon as I got a good look at it, I knew you'd just love it." Lavi gulped, reaching cautiously for the package.

Komui nearly bounced with restrained eagerness. "He might run, so be careful when you open it." He said, moving closer.

The boy nodded, holding the box firmly as he pulled back the lid. Looking into the small container, he frowned. "Um, 'Mui? I don't see any...thing.." He tapered off, a tiny movement catching his eye. "It's.. Oh my God, is that a baby hedgehog!?"

The man positively beamed. "It most certainly is!" He glanced into the box, nodding. "I didn't know what to do with him, he's a long way from home." He traced the small creature's back with a forefinger, pulling away when it squirmed. "Watch out," He cautioned, "He was frightened before, so I don't know if he'll try to get away again."

Lavi shook his head, sighing. "Only you, 'Mui," He muttered quietly. Poking a tentative finger into the box, he nudged the animal gently. "You awake, little guy?" He said, ready to catch the tiny rodent. "C'mon, let me get a look at you.." He pinched the nape of its neck, handling the still-flexible spines carefully.

Leaning close, he examined the pointed face and cream-colored belly, noticing the five-toed front feet. He stroked the soft fur with his fingers, smiling when the animal twitched. "Aren't you cute," He murmured, lowering the faintly struggling creature into his palm. It floundered to right itself, staring up at him with bright black eyes. He offered it a finger, smiling when it sniffed at the tip.

Komui sighed, relieved that the boy seemed pleased with his gift. "They aren't supposed to get very big, and they're easy to care for." Lavi glanced up at him, smiling.

"I know, when..she's..bigger, I can take her anywhere with me." He edged onto the bed, still watching the infant hedgehog's curious snuffling. "I can't believe you did this."

The scientist joined him, settling on the floor at his knee. He trailed his finger in random patterns, leaning against him. "I would have asked, but I wanted to show you first." He smiled up at the younger boy. "Is it all right?"

Lavi nodded, stroking the side of the animal's face gently. It squeaked softly, rubbing faintly against the boy's finger before curling into a loose ball around the digit. He winced, laughing at the undeniably adorable creature. "I love her! Thank you so much, she's perfect."

Komui hummed contentedly. "I'll get you something to keep her in, so that she'll be safe when you aren't there." He nuzzled briefly against the other's leg. "She can stay here until then, if you like."

The boy nodded, lowering his now-sleeping pet into the box. He tucked the soft bedding around her, replacing the lid quietly. He looked for a place to put the container, deciding thaty the nearby dresser would do. He strode across the room, gently situating a book between the edge of the wood and the box.

"There, nice and safe." He returned to the bedside, tugging his lover to his feet. "Now, turn off the light so the baby can sleep." Komui snorted, moving to comply.

"Well, now that we're done with the nurturing, what should we do?" He asked, looking in the boy's general direction. Lavi hummed thoughtfully, sitting down on the bed.

"Let's see.. No light, and the book I brought is over there anyway.." He snapped his fingers. "I know!" He groped for the older man's arm, tugging him down. "Since we're already here.." He smiled, leaning close enough to feel the scientist's rapid breath on his cheek. "We should take advantage of the situation."

Komui shivered, swallowing heavily at his lover's quiet voice. "Take advantage..?" He smiled. "Are you tired, Lavi?"

The Exorcist chuckled softly. "No, I'm not tired. But we are sitting on a nice, warm bed.. in a dark room.." He buried his face into the man's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Wanna fool around?" He asked, nipping at the lobe of his ear.

Komui growled quietly, returing his embrace. "I'd love to..."

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YEY I doed it, and I actually FINISHED it! See all you happy people in chapter 1!

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	2. Taking The Initiative

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Chapter One - Taking The Initiative  
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Okay here's the first chapter of the sequel, thanks to everyone who's stuck by this til now!  
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 _'Six months...'_ Lavi mused grumpily, pacing the narrow confines of his room. _'Six months, and still nothing!'_. He sighed, running a hand across his face in weary frustration. _'Maybe...maybe he really can't...'_ He stopped the thought, shuddering. He wouldn't give in to his doubts, not after he'd tried so hard. If Komui needed more time, then Lavi would just have to wait.

 _'The most he's done is look at me,'_ He frowned, shaking his head. _'I can't even get him to kiss me anymore!'_ Pausing, he sank to the floor, resting his chin on his knees. He didn't want to admit it, but it seemed as if the older man had gradually pulled away, distancing himself. In the last month, the separation had increased, leaving the redhaired boy at a loss.

"God, what's _wrong_ with me?" He whispered, clutching his legs tightly. "I just wanted him to try, but I can't stop myself from _pushing_..." He clenched his jaw, forcing away tears. Standing abruptly, he began to pace again. "I've got to say something. If he really...Wants to end this, I need to know." His heart lurched at the prospect, but he ignored the stab of pain in favor of logic.

"I should go to him now. I know where he is, and Linali already said that he's caught up with his work for once.." He muttered, biting his lip. "That's something new, too. He's been working a lot more than he used to, everyone's noticed." Firming his resolve despite the discomfort in is chest, he strode to the door. Once in the corridor, he struck out in the direction of his tormentor's office, his steps quick as he gathered the last bits of his courage.

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Komui sighed, stretching his arms over his head in an attempt to loosen the aching muscles of his shoulders. Smiling ruefully, he reached for his coffee mug, grimacing at the tepid liquid within. _'All this writing..'_ He thought, signing his name to the last document and pushing it away. _'At least it's done. Now I can go back to thinking terrible things and hating myself for liking it.'_

Unbidden, the image of his would-be lover intruded, and he laughed humorlessly. "I wonder if he knows how disgusting I really am," He muttered, removing his glasses and sinking his head into his hands. "I can't even pretend that he won't be angry with me when he sees what I've been doing all this time.."

Standing, he crossed the surprisingly clean room, his fingers settling reluctantly on the doorknob of a formerly empty office before he forced himself to enter. Once inside, he gave the object within a resigned glance as he began to make the final adjustments to what would surely be his final humiliation. As he worked, his mind wandered back to the young man he so desperately wished to avoid hurting.

 _'I told him I was willing to try,'_ He thought, frowning in concentration as he tightened his grip on an errant cable. _'But if I can't stop wanting him, how am I supposed to make this work? All he asked me for was love..'_ He checked the connection one final time, stepping away to survey his now-finished 'project' with critical eyes.

The machine taunted him with it's sleek metal, it's unassuming lines belying it's terrible purpose. Hearing a muffled knocking, he sighed. Quickly exiting the room, he failed to notice the door slowly reopening behind him as the faulty latch quietly disengaged.

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Hearing the man's approach, Lavi fidgeted nervously. _'It's now or never,'_ He reminded himself, _'I have to know.'_ As the door swing open, he carefully schooled his features into a semblance of their normal smile, lifting his eye to meet the gaze of his significant other.

The man's almost haggard appearance was shocking, causing his welcome to die unspoken on his lips. Staring up at the older man in confusion, he noticed the darkened skin beneath his eyes, and the tenseness of his posture. "Komui, what's going on?" He blurted, lifting a hand to the taller man's shoulder. "I know I haven't seen you for a couple days, but damn!" The man blinked at him, surprised by his almost angry tone.

"Nothing, I just had a few long nights." He stepped back, indicating that the youth should enter. Closing the door behind him, the man turned to find his companion still unnervingly close, his face set in worried lines.

Lavi tilted his head slightly, picking up the tired aura that surrounded the scientist with little effort. "You've been avoiding me. What did I do this time?" He demanded, forcing his voice to remain low. Komui narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.

"You didn't do anything, Lavi. I told you, I've been working.." He paused, seeing his hot-tempered guest frown.

"Bullshit." Lavi declared, moving closer. "It isn't just the last several days either. You hardly look at me, and you act like I've got the plague when I try to get close." He spat, clenching his fists. "Tell me what happened. Are you starting to get tired of me, is that it?"

The man gaped stupidly at him for a moment, then sighed. "Don't be absurd. If I wanted to stop seeing you, I'd.."

"Tell me?" Lavi interjected hotly, cutting him off as his voice grew louder. "That's bullshit too. When you do come to me, the only thing you ever say is hello and goodbye. Maybe something about a case. It's pretty safe to say that there's a lot of things that just aren't being said, Komui- _san_." He stressed the honorific, feeling a pang of regret at the older man's surprise at the change of address.

Forcing himself to continue, he leaned closer, invading the man's space. Komui drew back hastily, adding fuel to the smaller one's ire. "See!" He rasped, waving his hands at the older man's retreat. "That's what I mean! If I _look_ at you too closely, you pull away then too!"

He faced away abruptly, his shoulders slumped. "All I wanted was a chance, Komui." He ground out, fighting the urge to scream in frustration. "Just because you agreed to try.. It doesn't mean that you can't still change your mind. And the fact that we spent the first two months groping each other silly doesn't make any difference. If this isn't what you need, then say it. I'm not going to force you to stay, so you shouldn't force yourself."

Komui stared at his back in astonishment. "Lavi," He started, placing a hand on the boy's tightly bunched shoulder, "It's not.." Once again, the boy cut him off, swatting away his hand as he whirled.

"Don't!" He barked, annoyance rising. "Don't you stand there and act like you don't see what's happening! God damn it, all I need to know is why, why the hiding, the overworking, and why you can't stand my touch anymore! Why?"

Unnoticed, his voice had risen to a hysterical shout, the echo ringing dully from the walls as he glared at his companion.

Komui coolly measured him with his eyes, forcing himself to look away as his own irritation began to surface. "Stop." He murmured, shaking his head as the boy opened his mouth to retort. "I _said_ STOP!" He finally roared, drowning out the redhead's outraged yell. Seizing him harshly by the shoulders, he jerked him to his body, staring down into his upturned face. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away? _Do you?_ " He hissed, giving the boy a rough shake.

"Every time I look at you now, I think about what's under those damned clothes! I've seen parts of you, and felt most of the rest, but that isn't what I'm supposed to be thinking about!" He snorted at the Exorcist's wide eyed expression. Leaning down, he paused only inches from the boy's open mouth. "Every time I touch you, all I can do is wonder how it would feel to just let go and give you what you've begged me for, all this time!"

He clenched his hands into the folds of Lavi's casual shirt, laughing quietly. "Do you even know what you _say_ to me, Lavi- _kun_?" He said, returning the other's use of title. "When my hands are on you, or when it's dark and you have your _legs_ wrapped around my _ass?_ Answer me!" He demanded, forcing the increasingly stunned youth to meet his gaze.

"N-No.." He choked, shaking his head. "Not all of it.." He broke off, biting his lip as the older man leaned closer still, his heavy breaths fanning over the other's cheek as he spoke more quietly.

"You tell me not to stop, to let go and do as I wish. I can't tell you how many times I've been ready to come in my fucking _pants_ from hearing you beg me to fuck you!"

Lavi reeled back as if he'd been slapped, his eye wide at the man's unexpected admission. "Komui, I..I didn't mean to..!" He gasped as the man cut him off.

"To what, Lavi? You didn't do anything wrong, I did! I promised to try falling in love, but all I've been doing is pressuring you into something that I swore to avoid!" He relaxed his grip on the boy's shirt, turning his face away from his almost frightened expression. "I can't think of anything but having you! I've been trying to stay away because it's not right of me to continue doing that, using your feelings to satisfy my urges.."

Lavi stiffened, his nails biting into his palms. "You just decided to stop? You started avoiding me because you're _normal_!?" He shook his head in disgust. "Jesus, I knew that you had moments of stupidity, but this is unbelievable! How the hell do you think a relationship progresses? You can't be with someone that you don't want to touch, and you can't pretend that I'm innocent of the same thing!"

Komui made to reply, but he waved his hand dismissively. "Don't. You might deny yourself, but _I_ won't." He met the man's eyes directly, his face defiant. "You say that I ask you to do me? That I _beg_ for it? Well that's just fine." He advanced, backing the suddenly nervous man into the wall. "It's fine because even if I don't remember saying it, I know one thing for sure." He leaned in, his eye narrowed. " _I meant every damned word of it!_ "

Komui shrank back, the first twinges of alarm prickling his skin as the shorter boy followed even that slight movement. "Do _you_ know what it feels like, 'Mui? Do you have the slightest idea what _I_ think about it? I love you, but it doesn't stop me from wanting you. The last time we were 'in the dark', as you put it, I thought I was going to _die_ , you felt so good!"

He continued, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper as he raised one hand to the man's pale face. "Do you know what I did after you left, _O repressed genius?_ " He smiled at the older man's reluctant curiosity. "I stayed _right there in that bed_ and came so hard that I woke up the guy next door when I screamed for _you_." He smirked. "And it wasn't the first time, either."

Komui gaped at him for the second time, unable to reply. The boy's words brought on a torrent of images, and he shook his head to dispel them. "Lavi.." He started, pausing to clear his throat, "You shouldn't be telling me this." He pushed firmly against the redhaired Exorcist's chest, moving him back a step. "Please just go, I don't want to fight anymore."

Lavi's expression hardened. "I don't want to fight either, but I'm not going to let this be." He ignored the warning set of his companion's jaw, keeping his position as he spoke. "The point here is that you think you've done something wrong, and you haven't. You said that you're staying away because of what you feel, but how do you expect to love me if you're not with me?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "The fact that you're upset about it shows that you feel _something_ for me. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

Komui shook his head, edging away. "It isn't enough." He said, forcing down his panic. "I need time, there's something that I have to do.." He leaned back, not realizing that the wall behind him had led directly to the room he'd left only minutes before. The door swung open beneath his weight, spilling him awkwardly to the floor. Lavi stepped forward in alarm, reaching down to help him stand as his eye caught a flash of familiar metal.

"What the _hell_..!" He cried, pointing at the hulking machine, his hand shaking. "Isn't that the thing you used on Allen? What the fuck is it still doing here?" He didn't wait for an answer, shaking his head. "Is _this_ what you were doing all this time? Rebuilding that stupid ass machine? God!"

He kicked the side furiously, whirling to face the man as he rose to his knees. "What were you going to do, Komui- _san_? Use it on yourself so that you wouldn't feel guilty anymore? Or did you reverse it like you were going to before?"

He smiled, nodding. "Of course you did, how stupid of me. Linali told me that you promised her you would. So, what does it do now? Does it make you hate someone?"

Komui shot to his feet, shaking his head. "No! I didn't make it that way. All it does is prevent the urge to.." Lavi stared at him incredulously.

" _Prevent?_ How the.." He stopped, his face blank. "You were going to use this to stop wanting me, weren't you." He nodded slowly, averting his face to glance over the machine's lit panels. "Were you planning to use that thing since the beginning, because you still see me as a child? Were you going to use it on me, too?" The older man stepped forward, his need to explain causing his throat to tighten with anxiety.

"NO! I wouldn't do that to you, I swear! I wanted to make things right, Lavi. If I loved you, it would be all right to have those feelings! The machine would stop me from feeling like that unless I loved you, so that I couldn't take advant..!"

He faltered as the boy's head snapped around. "You were so desperate to stop wanting me that you'd mess with your _brain_ to get rid of it? Allen said that it was horrible, you know. The feelings alone were.." He paused, blinking. "Would you feel anything, Komui? Would it be like before, working with your body to force you _not_ to want me?" His voice rose again, and he moved to stand before the scientist.

"What would it do to you? Make you sick if you thought about sex? What if you tried to touch me, what then?" He demanded, glaring up at the man's guilty face. "Allen told me that it enhanced everything, need, pleasure.. What would it do to you like this?"

Komui looked away nervously, the words halting as he tried to explain calmly. "It.. It would hurt," He mumbled, closing his eyes. "If I thought about doing..things to you, it would trigger the pain center of the brain and make me stop. The effects would cease once I really loved.."

He vaguely registered movement, and suddenly found himself looking up at the other from a much lower perspective. Raising his fingers to his strangely hot face, he felt the raised outline of a hand, and gasped. "Did you just _slap_ me?!"

Lavi snarled down at him. "I sure as fuck did, but I really wanted to give you a swift kick to the balls, you stupid son of a bitch!" He smiled bleakly. "Do you think I'm that shallow, Komui? Did you really think that I would be happy that you forced yourself to love me? That you _hurt_ yourself to give me what I wanted?"

He turned to the machine again, his eye appraising. "Maybe you're right," He said, kicking it again for good measure. "Since you're so sure that you can't love me, maybe it would be better if you didn't want me either. You may be onto something here. The Church would absolutely _love_ to cut back on the number of unmarried couples. Good job." Neither one noticed the faintly blinking light that appeared on the main console.

Komui stood, his face white. "It isn't like that, so stop making it sound like.." A beep sounded, even as the automated voice rang out behind him.

_"Target lock. Safeguards 1 and 2 disengaged. Proceeding at level 10."_

"Move!" He yelled, shoving the boy harshly to the side as the machine lit the room in a blaze of deep green radiance.

His eye tearing, Lavi jumped to his feet. "God damn it, Komui! Couldn't you have set it to only work with a fucking _key_ or something? You'd think..." He stopped, looking for the suddenly missing scientist. Seeing him nearby, he shook his head. "Hey, get over here and turn this thing off. Better yet, blow the damned thing up."

He knelt, nudging the man none-to-gently with one hand. "Stop playing around and...'Mui? Come on, it isn't funny!" He shook him harder, turning his body to the side as he patted his face cautiously. Beginning to panic, he raised the older man to a sitting position, still calling his name in an increasingly worried voice.

He sighed in mixed relief and exasperation as the man's eyes crept open, and shook his head. "Nice going, man. I thought for a minute that you'd knocked out what little sense you do have.." He leaned closer, something about the man's expression striking him as wrong. "Are you all right?"

Komui frowned slightly, his eyes dull with confusion. "Lavi?" He murmured, blinking slowly, "I think.." He broke off, shaking his head. "Yes, I'm fine.. Just..Let me get up." He rose, staggering for a moment before recovering his balance. Looking down at the boy's relieved face, he frowned. "It didn't work." He said, quietly.

Lavi stared back, perplexed. "What?"

The older man gripped his shoulders, looking closer. "I said, it didn't work. I thought about.." He coughed, his expression tinged with guilt. "..Something." He continued lamely, "And nothing happened. I feel a little dizzy, but it's not because of the machine."

The redhead frowned, remembering his former annoyance. "So you aren't suffering in pointless agony? You must be _so_ disappointed." He growled, backing up a step. To his surprise, the older man moved with him, his hands retaining their grip on his shoulders. "What.."

With astonishing quickness, the scientist cut him off with a forceful jerk, bringing his mouth down to cover the boy's startled cry. Pressing forward insistently, he urged the other's lips to part with a teasing flick of his tongue. Meeting with slight resistance, he hummed questioningly, his hands coming up to stroke at the Exorcist's nape and cheek.

Sighing brokenly, Lavi allowed his jaw to relax, accepting the man's touch with growing desperation. The weeks of enforced separation had made him see just how much he needed this person, this _feeling_ , and he couldn't dredge up the will to pull away now that he had what he'd missed so badly.

Komui deepened the kiss, backing Lavi towards the nearest wall with cautious steps. Feeling the cool stone against his arms, he settled his weight firmly against the boy's chest, his hands caressing his exposed arms as he pulled away to breathe. Lavi shivered at the man's intense stare, recognizing the almost hungry expression on his face. "Komui..?" he whispered, "Why are you doing this?"

The scientist closed his eyes, taking a breath. "I..God, Lavi.." He laughed quietly, mocking himself. "I don't feel anything, not even pins and fucking needles! _Damn it!_ " He backed away slowly, his face anguished. "I didn't want to hurt you, Lavi.." he said, regretfully. "I just wanted to give you what you've already given me. I hate myself for making you wait, you should be with someone better than this.."

Lavi frowned at him, exasperated again. "How do you know that it didn't work? I don't know exactly how that.. thing works, but it sure as hell did _something_! Is there any other way to test it?" He narrowed his gaze, squaring his shoulders as he continued. "That kiss didn't feel very 'lustful' to me, you know. Wasn't it only supposed to hurt if you were thinking perverted thoughts?" Komui stared at him blankly.

Lavi smiled, sending a chill through the man's spine. Before he could protest, the boy seized his lapels, turning swiftly to press him to the wall. Still grinning, he leaned in,   
sealing their mouths together in a decidedly passionate kiss.

Komui gasped, struggling faintly to recall exactly why this was a bad thing. The sensation of hands sliding beneath his shirt brought him out of his momentary daze, and he jerked back, his head striking the stone behind him as he grabbed the boy's wrists. Panting, he shook his head. "Don't do this," He rasped. "It isn't right."

Lavi snorted. "It felt pretty damn right to me. Did it make you think 'bad things', Komui? Or do you need something more direct?" Wrenching one hand away, he slid his arm between the wall and his 'captive's' body, using his hold to pull their hips together sharply. Komui sucked in a breath, closing his eyes at the feeling.

Sighing loudly, Lavi leaned up to murmur into the other's ear, punctuating his words with firm nudges against the man's shaking body. "How's that? Are you thinking, 'Mui? It sure feels like it to me.." He moaned quietly, nipping the scientist's earlobe teasingly. "Something occurred to me once.. I think I'd like your opinion on it."

Komui hummed curiously, his eyes still shut tight.

Lavi shifted his attention to the man's throat, worrying at his collar before replying. "I wondered if maybe there was something you'd be willing to try. You refuse to sleep with me, but that doesn't rule out all sorts of other things.." He bit down gently, feeling the other's chest hitch. "If I asked you nicely, would you let me do any of those things to you, Komui?"

The older man gasped, opening his eyes as he felt the redhaired boy pull back, his hands sliding down to grasp the scientist's hips as he sank to his knees. Stunned, he could only watch as Lavi moved even lower, his gaze flicking up to meet briefly with his own before he swiped his tongue firmly against the front of his suddenly too-tight slacks.

Komui choked out something that may have been the boy's name, arching helplessly away from the wall as the other male smiled innocently.

"Feel anything yet? Oh, of course you do, how stupid of me!" He repeated the action, his face falsely thoughtful. "Not bad, but I think it would taste a little better without the pants."

Komui groaned in frustration, shaking his head as he strove to control his racing heart. "Please," He whispered, clenching his hands tightly. "Please don't do that. I can't..Lavi!" He cried out sharply, feeling the boy's hands run along his inseam in a searing parody of his mouth's previous actions.

"Oh, stop. If I wanted to, I could suck you off _right now_ and I'll bet you wouldn't mind one damn bit." He said, rising to his feet while his hands resumed their grip on the other man's hips. "I don't know how to get it through your head, Komui. What do you want right now, and don't you dare lie!"

Komui shook his head, biting his lip to stifle a whimper as Lavi slipped a hand into his waistband. "I...Oh God, Lavi..Please!"

Lavi growled softly, his fingers dipping further into his lover's pants. "Please _what_? This?"

Komui bucked forward, his mouth open in a soundless scream as the boy grasped him firmly through his undergarments. " _Yes!_ Heaven help me, yes!"

Lavi nodded. "That's what I thought. Now, look me in the eye and tell me that you don't feel anything for me. Say it!" He demanded, stilling his movements completely.

Komui shook his head, gasping for breath. "No! It's not like that, I do! I..Ah!" He yelped, arching again when Lavi resumed his ministrations with renewed determination.

"I'm not going to stop, you know." He whispered, almost inaudibly. "I'm going to finish this, because all I want is to give you what you need. _That's_ love, Komui. Wanting to give the other person a part of yourself without caring if they can return it. Are you satisfied with just this?" He leaned up to kiss the man's reddened cheek, nuzzling against him fondly as his strokes grew gentle.

"If you can keep yourself from wanting to touch me back, then maybe you're right. You wouldn't care if I felt good or not, as long as it felt good to _you._ " He said, wrapping his free arm around the man's waist. "Do you want to touch me, 'Mui? It doesn't matter if you don't, I still won't stop."

Komui nodded eagerly, his eyes opening to meet the other's direct stare. "I do.. I want to make you feel just like this, please let me..." He lifted his shaking hands to the boy's face, pulling him up for a feverish kiss as he stepped briskly away from the wall, shrugging out of his jacket as he did so. Dropping one hand to waist level, he pressed back into the Exorcist's palm while his fingers traced small circles against the fabric of his shirt.

"We can't do this here," He whispered breathlessly, stepping back reluctantly. "It's almost time for the rest of the department to go on break. I'm sorry, believe me." He almost groaned at the open disappointment on his lover's face. "Don't worry, Lavi," He said, his voice serious. "I have no intention of 'letting this be'. Come with me.." He gripped the other's hand tightly, pulling him close and leading him out of the small room.

When they reached the door to the hallway, Komui stopped suddenly, frowning. "Hold on just a second, Lavi. I'm going to get my coat." He released the boy's hand after a quick squeeze, ducking back through the door and reentering the machine's room. Picking up his discarded coat, he saw that a light was still blinking on the control panel. Humming in annoyance, he stepped into the machine's console area.

The main operation screen was active, and he glanced at it briefly before reaching for the power switch. The text drew his eyes back sharply, the words plainly displayed for his disbelieving eyes.

_~Sequence initiated~Targeted subject locked~Fired at manual level 10~ Sequence FAILS, Target subject does not fit the specified parameters~ Error Code 213-1D89H: Subject does not meet preset conditions. Operation ineffective.~ Reload and Acquire new Target? Y/N__

Komui stared at the screen for a long moment before pressing the 'N' key, powering down the unit and leaving the room with much more to think about than he'd ever imagined.

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Well, there you have it! It's been a wonderful experience, writing for all of you... I hope that this starts things up nicely, but in case it doesn't, feel free to suggest a continuance XD As I stated in the epilogue of my last FAIL, this fic is mostly Lamui "(c)Niamh 2008" , But there will be some Yullen in later chapters, so please at least give it a chance, eh?  
To anyone with questions or whatnot, feel free to ask by pm/im/email, and thanks for reading!


	3. Making Progress

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Chapter 2 - Making Progress

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Okay here's the next chapter, prepare for lemonade!

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Lavi glanced at the man beside him, his nerves jangling as he thought of what was soon to come. Though he gave no outward sign of his apprehension, he could feel the beginnings of a slight panic attack settling in. When the older man had left his office for the second time, there had been a look in his eye that hadn't been there before, one of resolution, a thinly-veiled determination.

He shivered, feeling the man's grip on his hand tighten slightly as he returned his look with a small grin. Lavi smiled in reply, forcing away the feeling of unease. Nearing a lone door, Komui slowed his steps, turning to full face his companion.

"Are you all right?" He asked, looking closely at the boy's face. Lavi nodded quietly, his eye downcast.

"I'm fine. I just..." He shook his head, meeting the older man's gaze. "You don't have to do this, if you really don't want to. I wouldn't be angry, but I don't want you to avoid me anymore." He smiled hesitantly. "What we've already done was fine. I told you that I didn't mean to push, 'Mui."

The scientist nodded, unlocking the door and motioning for the boy to enter. Once inside, he dropped his coat into a nearby chair, tossing his hat along with it. Ignoring the near-darkness, he closed the door. Moving closer to the still faintly smiling Exorcist, he raised a hand to his face in a comforting gesture. "You didn't do anything wrong, Lavi. At least you were honest with me, about what you wanted." He smiled, leaning down to press his lips to the other's brow.

"I wanted the same things, but I just couldn't accept it. That's why I wanted it to stop, so that I could give you what you deserved." He wrapped his free arm around the other's waist, pulling him as close as possible. "I'm grateful that you said the things you did, back there. If you hadn't come to me, it could have been weeks before I knew what to do."

Lavi swallowed heavily, inhaling the distinct scent of the older man. "I had to try, it was driving me crazy. I thought that you didn't want to...Be with me anymore. I had to see for myself, even if the thought of losing you was scary." He smiled, looking away. "I really did mean what I said, about giving you what you need."

He backed cautiously toward the bed, coaxing the taller man to follow. When his knees hit the edge, he sat, pulling his companion down beside him. "Kiss me?" He asked, meeting the man's eyes hopefully. Komui nodded, leaning in to meet him with a sigh. Though he tried to hold himself somewhat in check, he found the boy's insistent urging impossible to ignore.

Kicking off his boots, Lavi scooted further onto the bed, nudging at the older man's shoes in a hinting manner. Chuckling softly, Komui toed off his footwear, breaking the kiss to remove his socks. Lavi frowned at the separation, moving to the center of the bed with a challenging gleam in his eye.

He leaned back, stretching full length on top of the blanket with a sigh. "Come here, 'Mui. I'm nowhere _near_ finished with you." The man nodded quietly, resting one knee between his younger companion's legs as he allowed the boy to pull him down for a kiss.

Lavi hummed in appreciation when he felt Komui relax against him, his heavier breaths leaving no doubt that the boy's closeness was affecting him in a decidedly intense manner. Opening his mouth, the scientist nipped gently at his lover's lower lip, using his surprised gasp to deepen the kiss. Feeling the boy's wordless groan vibrate through the contact, he pulled back.

"Lavi, I don't really know if we should be doing this.. I still think that I'm pushing my needs.. _Ah!_ " He gasped, feeling the other's knees lift to clasp his hips.

"Dammit, I wish you _would_ push your needs on me! Stop saying foolish things and start _doing_ them! At least then you'll have an honest excuse to feel dirty!" He muttered, tightening his grip until the man had no choice but to sink further into his embrace.

He lifted his hips slightly, nudging against the scientist's obvious arousal. "I told you that I wanted this, 'Mui. Even if you still don't want to sleep with me, I'm not going to just pretend that you never admitted to wanting it too."

Shivering at the determination in the boy's voice, Komui couldn't quite stifle a moan when Lavi moved again, this time using his legs to pull the man down as he rocked himself upward. " _That's_ what bothered you so much, isn't it? Having me against you like this, with the lights out and nothing to do but feel?" Komui nodded faintly, his arms shaking with the strain of holding himself still.

Lavi sighed, his motions unfaltering. "You like it, don't you?" He didn't wait for a reply. " _Mm_ , Of course you do, you're burning up.. Does it help if I say that I like it too?" He moaned, lifting himself even closer. "Please move...This is good, but it's _so_ much better when you're helping..."

Komui shook his head, struggling to resist the urge to ravage the other male. "I...I _can't_ , Lavi." He took a breath, trying to piece together words to explain his rapidly diminishing control. "If I do, I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop this time. You don't understand, it's just too much for.. _God!_ " He broke off with a cry as Lavi arched up quickly, pressing himself against the man's body with abandon.

"That's..what I wanted to hear.." He whispered, panting. "And you're wrong, I understand perfectly. Now, you can either help me out here, or I swear I'm going to strip right this second and take care of the problem myself." He lowered his voice, smiling. "I'll even let you watch me do it, if you like."

The older man gasped in disbelief, the words calling up a torrent of images. "No, I wouldn't let you do that." He replied, proud that his voice obeyed. "Not like that."

Lavi chuckled quietly. "Why not? Do you think I don't need this too? I told you before that it wouldn't be the first time I've gotten off by myself. I just imagine that it's you touching me, and it's easy." He opened his eye, seeking out the older man's gaze despite the gloom. "It _would_ be a shame though...If one of us is going to come, then the other one should too."

Komui moaned, shaking his head. "God, you always say things that drive me crazy, Lavi.. You shouldn't do that right now, even if you mean it." He closed his eyes, fighting the reaction that the boy's words had caused. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is.."

Lavi sighed patiently. "I know that you need this, 'Mui. You can't just ignore it." He lifted his face, sealing their lips together briefly. Pulling back, he kept his lips close enough to touch the older man's as he whispered. "Let me help you, even if it's just this once? I want you so damned bad, but I want to make you.." He felt the scientist gasp against his mouth, and he whimpered softly. "Please let me do this, I _need_...!"

Komui cut him off with a well timed kiss, his mouth closing over the other's possessively. Shaking with quiet urgency, he rocked his hips against the boy's waiting body, breaking the kiss with a cry at the intensity of the feeling. "You don't have to do anything, Lavi, just promise me.." He shifted his weight, lowering one arm to encircle the panting Exorcist's lifted hips. " _Promise me_ that this is what you really want."

Lavi nodded frantically. "I want it, I promise! Please don't stop..!" He tightened his hold, pleading for his lover to move. "I don't care how long it takes for you to love me, 'Mui.. I want this with you, even if I'm not enough for you yet.."

The older man shook his head firmly, his voice low. "You're _more_ than enough! Don't ever think that you need to prove yourself to me. If either of us is lacking, it would be me." He sighed, resting his face against the boy's hair. "I promised myself that I wouldn't rush things with you, no matter how much I wanted to. I just didn't expect it to be so.. You can't even begin to imagine how much I want you, Lavi."

He moved again, letting their close proximity speak for itself. Lavi nodded, his breathing still labored.

"Believe me, I know what you mean. I didn't want to rush things either, but I just can't seem to help it... It was my problem first, I know that." He smiled, hands stroking the older man's back in lazy circles. "Pretty much every time we were together, I ended up crawling all over you.. It wasn't like you started it, you just let me do whatever I wanted. Well, _almost_ everything.." He laughed, shaking his head. "You should have told me to stop doing that, if it bothered you. I didn't mean to drive you away, I wanted to keep you closer."

Komui sighed quietly, lifting himself on one elbow. "I didn't want you to stop, that was the problem." He nibbled gently on the boy's throat, nudging his shirt collar out of the way. "The last time, I decided that I had to do something about it. I was so close to taking you that it scared me, Lavi. The only thing that stopped me was the zipper on your pants.." He laughed humorlessly. "It got stuck after about a half inch."

Lavi gasped, shaking with chills at the feeling of his lover's teeth on his skin. "Take it off," he whispered, leaning up. "Yours too, while you're at it. In fact, I'll help you." He gripped the hem of the man's shirt, snatching it up and over his head before the other could reply. Feeling something entangled in the warm cloth, he gently plucked the scientist's glasses out, reaching over to place them on the night table with a smirk. "That's better. Now, how about returning the favor?"

Komui shook his head, laughing at the hopeful tone of his voice. "You're incredibly singleminded, Lavi. But I don't think I can." Hearing the boy take a breath to protest, he laughed again. "Oh, I'd _love_ to do it, trust me." He paused, shifting against the redhead in a teasing manner that left him with no doubt of the man's willingness. "But you'll have to let go of my belt before you can raise your arms."

Lavi chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, probably. I'm glad that one of us is actually capable of thought at a time like this." He pried his hands away from the other's waist reluctantly, lifting his arms for only as long as was absolutely necessary. As soon as the shirt cleared his head, he wrapped his now-bare arms around the man's shoulders, pulling him down. "Problem solved. Oh, you're warm.." He bit his lip, enjoying the sensation of his lover's heartbeat against his skin.

Ignoring his body's command to hurry things up, Komui brushed his lips across the line of one shoulder, following the path to the boy's neck. He bit down softly on the lobe of one ear, soothing the sting with a kiss as he laughed. "You always say that. I'm starting to think that it's just an excuse for me to touch you, Lavi."

Hearing the other's sharply exhaled breath, he resumed his steady movements, his mouth pausing on the places that seemed to draw the most incoherent sounds from his panting lover. Pleased with the response to his efforts, he allowed his hands to wander over the Exorcist's firm stomach, his fingers trailing along the band of his pants before moving to grasp the side of one hip. "Still cold?" He murmured, smiling.

Lavi shook his head faintly, his pulse loud in his ears. "No, not anymore," He whispered, relaxing the tight hold he's taken on the man's shoulders. "Are you?"

The older man made a quiet sound of negation, sliding lower on the bed. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled lazily against the other's chest before tracing a line up the center with his tongue. The effect on his lover was immediate, his breath catching in a moan. The sound broke off midway when Komui tightened his hold on the boy's hips, lifting his slighter body as he moved closer. "I can honestly say that you keep me _very_ warm, Lavi."

He pressed forward, melding their lips together as he began to move. Holding the redhead's weight on one arm, he supported himself with the other, his body wracked with shivers at the feeling of the younger boy's arousal. "Good?" He whispered, pulling his mouth away from his lover's to speak.

Lavi nodded eagerly, arching up to meet his thrusts. "More than good," He breathed, shifting his hands to the man's waist. "Please.." Komui smiled, murmuring in agreement.

"Whatever you need, Lavi.. I want you to feel so much better than this, though." He moved his lips to the boy's ear, his voice soft. "I want to know that I'm the only one you want, the one that makes you feel _so - damn - good_.." He hummed in quiet appreciation as the other bucked up sharply. " _Does_ it feel good, Lavi? I wonder about that, you know. Does it feel as good to you as it does to me, when you make that tiny little sound in the back of your throat? You do that just before you start to beg.. Are you going to beg now?"

An undeniably needy sound was his only response.

Komui moaned softly in reply, shifting until his knees could support their combined weight. "Tell me to stop, if this is too much." He whispered, sliding his now-free hand against the front of his lover's pants. "Ah, that can't be comfortable.." He stroked the line of his zipper with a finger. "Care to give your shirt some company?" He teased, almost laughing at the boy's pleading whimper. "I'll assume that's a yes."

He tugged gently at the button, willing his hands to stop their nervous trembling as he slid the zipper down. Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he eased the well-worn garment over slim hips, urging the boy to bend his legs up to remove them. Dropping the pants blindly to the floor, he allowed his hands to stroke the soft skin of Lavi's inner thighs.

Failing to stifle a moan, the redhead shuddered at the feeling of his lover's touch. He couldn't believe how much difference it made, with that almost negligible barrier removed. He resisted the urge to drag the man down, clenching his hands deeply into the soft blanket.

Feeling his restraint crumble, Komui moved his caresses higher, fingertips brushing over the Exorcist's barely clothed hips. Lowering his head, he pressed damp kisses to the thin material of his lover's only garment, following the small rise of stitchwork with his lips. Lavi whimpered brokenly as the heat of his breath seeped through the flimsy material, his muscles drawn tight as a bowstring.

"Ko... _Komui_!" He gasped, his fingers aching at the tightness of his grip. "I can't think of a word...To tell you what that.... _Oh!_ " His voice broke into a startled cry as he felt the older man's lips ghost reverently over his erection, any words that may have followed left unuttered. He tilted his hips beseechingly, pleading with breathless whispers that sounded remotely like his lover's name.

The man smiled quietly, shaking his head. "Not just yet.." He murmured, sliding back to rest between the boy's knees. "Come here."

He took one of the Exorcist's hands, tugging him up to his knees. Wrapping the other around his waist, he pulled him into his lap, guiding the boy's arms to his shoulders. "Much better," He whispered, stroking the other's back as he buried his face against the side of his throat. Licking the junction of his neck and shoulder, he grazed the skin with his teeth. "I can reach more of you this way.."

Lavi nodded, willing his voice to work despite his growing disorientation. "I love it.. You wouldn't believe how much I missed this, missed _you_..."

Komui hummed in agreement, the sound muffled as he continued to nuzzle the damp skin at his lover's nape. "I'm sorry. I never meant for you to be lonely, I only wanted to make you happy.. I wish that I could take it back." He lowered his hands, fingers digging gently into the nearly-bare skin of his hips. "Forget about that for now," He said, rocking upward gently. "Right now, I think I'd like to make up for lost time."

Lavi opened his mouth to reply, but found himself unable to think of anything but the feeling of his lover's body against his own, the slow movements of his hands and lips bringing a halt to anything resembling logic. He pressed himself as close as he could manage, gasping against the older man's mouth when the hands on his hips slipped down to cup his ass through the material of his underclothes.

Using his hold to increase the friction between them, Komui smiled against the boy's throat. "What's wrong, Lavi? Do you want me to stop?" Lavi made a strangled sound, shaking his head. "Good," The older man whispered, leaning him back onto the bed. "Because I really, _really_ don't want to.."

Lavi clung to him desperately, pleading in a voice that he hardly recognized as his own. He'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted this man, but he knew that it would end all too soon. During the last several months, they'd often done things like this, but the older man refused to be swayed, always remembering himself at the last moment and pulling away. Lavi choked back a sound of frustration at the thought of his lover's inevitable retreat.

Noticing his discomfort, Komui slowed his movements, pulling back to speak quietly in his ear. "Lavi? What's wrong?" He felt the beginnings of anxiety at the other's silence. Halting completely, he stroked the boy's cheek, gasping at a hint of moisture there. "Oh God," He whispered, his eyes wide. "Please don't cry.. I didn't mean to take it this far, I..I thought.." He shook his head, his voice urgent. "Why didn't you stop me? I wouldn't have been angry, I thought that this was what you wanted!"

Lavi shook his head in denial. "It isn't that! I do want this, I told you I did!" He took a breath, struggling to calm down. "You aren't doing anything I don't want, I just can't stand knowing that it's going to be over!" Komui jerked back as if the words had struck him.

"What? Lavi, I don't know what you mean, what will be over?"

The boy growled in irritation at himself. " _This!_ I finally have you here, after all that time, but it isn't enough! Any minute now, you're going to start having second thoughts, and you'll tell me to leave!" He clenched his arms around the man's shoulders fiercely. "That's what _always_ happens! I hate feeling like that, like I make you hate yourself for touching me! I can feel how much you want me, but you just can't..!"

Komui cut him off with a kiss, his mouth almost rough. Pulling away, he shook his head. "Not this time, Lavi. I might not be ready for everything, but I'm not going to make you pay for my problems." He tightened his own hold, leaving no space between them as he continued to kiss the startled Exorcist's upturned face. "I'm _not_ going to stop, I promise you that." He resumed his movements, urging the other to respond.

"As soon as those pants hit the floor, I had every intention of making you scream, Lavi." He whispered, smiling at the younger male's broken cry at his statement. "You should stop me right now if that isn't what you want, because I think it's pretty safe to say that I won't be stopping myself." Lavi shook his head, his knees locked around the older man's waist.

"Please, 'Mui.. I don't care about 'everything', just do something! _Anything!_ "

Komui nodded, keeping his motions steady. "Anything, Lavi? Are you sure about that?" He nipped at the other's throat, relishing the salty taste of his skin. "You said that you wondered about things, if I would let you try your ideas on me? Well, I thought about some things too." He pulled away, ignoring the redhead's cry of protest. Sliding down, he worked his hands out from beneath the boy's body, pushing them insistently against his inner thighs.

Without replying to the other's questioning sound, he bit down gently on the skin just above his hand, holding his lover tightly as he jerked in surprise. "Would you like to know what I've been thinking, Lavi?" He hummed contentedly at the boy's breathy affirmative. "I wondered if you would let me do this.." He slipped one hand beneath the loose material of his shorts, pushing them up as he lapped at the sensitive skin where his leg joined his body.

Lavi moaned, biting his lip at the teasing strokes of his lover's tongue. " _Yes..._ " He hissed, failing to resist the urge to move. The older man held him still, laughing quietly.

"Hm, that's good to know," He murmured, giving the area a gentle nip. "But would you mind if I did that somewhere else?" He slid his hand out again, moving to the waistband. Tugging it down, he repeated the action on the inside edge of Lavi's hipbone. "Right there?" The Exorcist bucked up sharply, gasping in reply.

Komui paused in mock-thought. "That's good too.. But what about other places?" Lavi whined in frustration.

" _Yes_ , dammit! Anywhere you want! Now, take those off or leave them alone!"

The scientist resisted the urge to laugh, knowing that he'd brought the hot-tempered boy to the edge of his patience. "Certainly." He leaned up, hooking his fingers into the material. Lifting them carefully over the Exorcist's hips, he moved back as Lavi brought up his knees, eagerly kicking the offending garment off. "Better?" He whispered, caressing his naked hips.

Lavi groaned appreciatively, parting his knees in silent invitation. His heart in his throat, he shuddered as he felt the older man's hands move inward, his legs shaking at the first touch of gentle fingers on his aching flesh. " _Oh..!_ " He gasped, wide eyed. "Please don't..!" He froze, words forgotten completely as his mind registered the sensation of his lover's breath on his skin.

Komui murmured soothingly, feeling the minute trembling of the other male's body. After a moment of careful shifting, he leaned in, his tongue stroking gently over the heated skin. Lavi cried out, his voice strangely weak. Komui smiled, repeating the movement more firmly, pressing down on the boy's hips to keep him still as he lifted his head slightly.

"More?" He asked, waiting patiently as his lover collected his wits.

Nodding eagerly, he whimpered a litany of pleading words, his hands coming down to grip the older man's shoulders. Komui moaned quietly in acquiescence, resuming his motions with renewed intensity.

The feeling was overwhelming, the sensation of heat, and wetness on his skin.. Even the careful press of teeth failed to be anything but hopelessly erotic. Lavi panted, shaking with barely-contained urgency. He knew his own body well enough to see that there was no way to resist his need, and he struggled to convey the knowledge to his lover, with little success.

Komui increased his pace, his hands holding the boy's body firmly as he sucked him in earnest. He could feel the increasingly strong shivers that wracked his lover's slender body, and he moaned at the desperate pleas that issued almost nonstop from his parted lips. Taking him in as deeply as he could manage, he moved his tongue in agonizingly slow circles, tracing the sensitive ridges as he pulled almost totally away before sliding down. Lavi arched his back, straining to follow the movements of his lover's mouth as he shamelessly begged for more.

"Please don't stop! I can't... _God_ , I love you..!"

The man shuddered at his impassioned declaration, moaning in wordless acknowledgment. He kneaded the skin of the boy's hips gently, urging him on with teasing strokes of his tongue. Feeling the Exorcist's muscles stiffen convulsively in his grip, he took a rapid breath before the slightly bitter taste of his lover's release flooded his mouth. He swallowed quickly, pulling back before the oversensitized skin became painful to touch.

Panting quietly, he lifted himself on shaking arms. The boy's breathing was still rushed with his passion, small shivers wracking him as he laughed almost drunkenly. Komui allowed himself a moment of pride at making this happen, bringing such intense pleasure to someone that he cared so much for. Shaking off his ego, he moved quickly up to rest beside the dozing redhead, pulling him close as he sighed.

"Are you all right?" He whispered, kissing the boy's sweat-dampened cheek. "Your heart's still beating so fast.."

Lavi nodded, clinging tightly to the man's body. "I'm fine, 'Mui.. That was.. _Something_." He laughed quietly, amused at himself. "God, I can't do that thing with my mouth... You know, where I make sounds and you understand them?" Komui snorted.

"Oh, I didn't have any problem understanding you. Well, not until right before..." He stopped short, sensing the boy's intense scrutiny. "Right, shutting up."

Lavi nodded in satisfaction. "Good. Sleep a little before you try to be clever." He yawned tiredly. "You should let me help you with that, you know." He muttered, nudging the older man none-too-gently with his hip. "I think it's considered rude to leave the person who blows you with unfinished business." Komui shook his head, smiling.

"Don't worry about it right now. Rest with me for a little while, and we'll talk about that later." Lavi nodded reluctantly, nestling closer. Komui shifted carefully, hooking the rumpled blankets with his foot and pulling them up to cover them. Sighing contentedly, the younger male settled against him, his deep breaths urging the scientist into a restful sleep.

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Well, another chapter finished. ^_^ Hopefully someone will be pleased, and maybe review? Lol, ah well, see you again soon!


	4. Putting Things In Perspective

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Chapter Three - Putting Things In Perspective  
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Oh Lord, Chapter Three already!  
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Lavi stirred, blinking sleepily in the room's darkness. The dim light from the small lantern was gone, he thought it had probably burned out the wick while they'd slept. Sighing contentedly, he nestled closer to the warm body beside him, smiling when the man's arms tightened automatically at his movement.

Taking advantage of their close proximity, he nuzzled gently against the curve of his lover's throat, his face lingering to take in the scent of his skin. Komui sighed quietly, murmuring a sleep-garbled endearment. Lavi's smile faltered slightly as he remembered the man's gentle rejection of his earlier attempt at reciprocation. He wondered if it had anything to do with what had happened when he'd retrieved his coat from the machine's room.

He'd gone in looking slightly nervous, but when he'd returned, there had been something different, some strengthening of his resolve. Lavi was puzzled, but he knew that the older man was prone to acting rashly at times, so he'd ignored the strange apprehension that had taken hold of him when he'd seen the firmness of the man's expression.

Running one hand gently down his companion's side, he allowed his palm to rest at the small of his back, fingers brushing against the beltless waistband of his pants. The material had loosened somewhat, sliding down to rest low on the other's trim hips. Smiling wickedly, Lavi wondered if the man was a light sleeper.

Deciding that bravery was his best option, he pressed closer, sliding his hand over the slight curve of his lover's waist. Feeling no reaction, he moved lower, trailing his fingers across the exposed skin left bare by the older man's shifted clothing. Komui sighed again, drawing his companion closer.

Biting his lip in concentration, the boy moved his fingers still lower, caressing the baby-fine hairs above the closure of the other's pants with slow strokes. This time there was a reaction, a sharp inhale and a low mumble of appreciation. Realizing that the man was still sleeping, Lavi paused for only a moment before dropping his hand to cup his lover intimately, surprised at the waiting hardness beneath his palm. He squeezed gently, and was rewarded with a quiet moan, the sound lending a new boldness to his touch.

Pressing closer, he ran his lips over the man's throat as he began to move his hand in a steady motion. He felt the pulse beneath his mouth quicken, the sound of his lover's breaths deepening as he stirred. Hearing the scientist's momentary hum of confusion, Lavi pulled away until he could reach the older man's mouth with his own. He continued his strokes, adding a bit more pressure as he tangled their legs together to forestall any resistance.

Komui gasped abruptly, his hips jerking into the contact. He moved back slightly, his arms tightening around the boy's back and waist as he choked out a low sound of pleasure. "Lavi, what..?"

Sliding his free arm beneath the man's head, Lavi tugged him forward into a tight embrace. "You told me to rest with you. Now I'm awake." He nipped at Komui's bottom lip, following the sting with a flick of his tongue. "You also said that we'd talk about _this_ when the resting was done. So talk." He squeezed softly in emphasis.

Komui's breath hitched, his hands clenching for a moment before relaxing. "I can't think with you doing that.." He murmured, reining in the impulse to seize the younger male. "You shouldn't.."

Lavi cut him off with a sigh. "Shouldn't what? In case you hadn't noticed, there isn't all that much thinking involved.. This pretty much speaks for itself." He gripped the man firmly, drawing a startled cry in reaction. "Don't even _try_ to act like you don't want it. I know you don't trust one of us," He murmured, latching briefly onto the other's pounding pulse with his lips before continuing. "But which one, Komui? Is it me you don't trust, or is it yourself?"

The man's arms tightened convulsively, trapping the other's hand between them as he jerked the boy forward. "I trust you, don't think like that! I just don't want to make a mistake like I did before, Lavi.." He trailed off, shivering. "I want to be sure that it's right, so I can't just let go..I have to control myself until I'm sure that what we're doing isn't something shallow!" Lavi smiled ruefully.

"It isn't shallow at all. I started this before you were even awake, Komui," He resumed his strokes cautiously, the tight confines restricting his movements. "What you did for me before, did you do it just to shut me up?"

Komui shook his head. "No! I wanted to.." He faltered, biting his lip. "I wanted to do something for you, Lavi. You were so patient, even after everything that happened.. I _needed_ to give you that much, you deserve it." Lavi sighed.

"You make it sound like I didn't push myself on you." He laughed quietly, remembering the stunned expression on his lover's face. "It was almost the same as this, wasn't it? I put my hands on you, without asking if it was all right, and I wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't insisted that we leave." He pressed closer still, his hand slipping up to the button of the older man's pants. "Are you going to make me leave now?" He tugged gently, feeling the fastening give beneath his searching fingers.

Without waiting for a reply, he dipped his hand into the loosening material, fingertips brushing over the man's heated skin. Komui bucked forward, his words catching in his throat as Lavi resumed his ministrations. Smiling at his reaction, Lavi continued to speak, his voice low.

"Gods, you really are burning up.. I wonder if you'd be too hot.." He pulled back, giving himself more room as Komui fumbled for words.

"Too hot?" He managed, closing his eyes tightly against the onslaught of images provoked by the other's touch. "Too hot for what?"

Lavi tipped his face up, their lips almost touching as he replied. "Too hot to put my mouth on you.. I'd hate to burn my tongue." Komui gasped breathlessly, jerking him forward into an intense kiss. Taking the boy's wrist, he pulled his hand up and out of his pants, rolling him onto his back.

Without breaking the kiss, he grabbed the boy's other hand, lifting it to join it's mate above his head. Finding both of his wrists held tightly, Lavi squirmed restlessly. Komui smiled at his grumble of displeasure, settling himself between the Exorcist's knees before sinking fully against his chest. Careful to avoid putting too much weight on the redhead's arms, he pulled back to catch his breath. "You really are a handful," He mumbled, resting his head on the other's shoulder.

Lavi chuckled softly. "So are you," He said, his tone insinuating. Crossing his ankles behind the older man's knees, he pulled him forward sharply. "Are we going to have that talk now?"

Komui shook his head in amusement. "Lavi.." The rest of his words caught in his throat when the body beneath him shifted, reminding him that his companion was totally nude. Feeling his hesitation, Lavi arched his back, rubbing against him with deliberate slowness.

"Mm, that's nice.." He sighed, rocking his hips. "You should get rid of those, you know. After all.." He lowered his voice, humming quietly. "You took mine, so it's only fair."

Komui moaned softly, his hands tightening reflexively around the other's wrists. "Aren't virgins supposed to be shy?" He felt the boy's quiet laugh.

"Not this one. I want you too bad to be shy, Komui.. Don't you want to see how it feels?" He asked, lifting his knees to the man's waist. Digging his heels into the backs of his thighs, he increased the pressure of his movements. "I want to feel you, to see if it's better than this.." Komui pressed back against him, nudging against his throat.

Between kisses and nips to the soft skin, he murmured quietly. "I want that too Lavi.. But I don't think it would be wise." He bit down gently, smiling at his lover's quick gasp. "Just being like this is driving me crazy, I wouldn't trust myself to stop if it were more.." Lavi groaned in frustrated arousal.

"Then don't stop! If there's something you want from me, take it." He struggled to free his hands, to no avail. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you got off on knowing how much I want you, Komui.. Is that it? Does it excite you, hearing me beg and plead for you? Do you like to feel how hard I am when I'm doing it?" He tightened his legs, grinding their bodies together insistently. "I think you do. You said earlier that it almost made you take me that last time." He laughed harshly. "If I do all of that again, would it work? You wouldn't have to worry about my zipper this time.."

Komui leaned back abruptly, shaking his head. "That was a mistake! I let my body get ahead of my brain, Lavi. You were just being so... If something hadn't have stopped me then, I would have used you like a common whore!"

Lavi stilled instantly. "A _whore_ , Komui? Me letting the person I love have his way with me, that would make me a whore?" His voice was low, but the words were as sharp as knives. "Then what happened earlier tonight? I let you do a _hell_ of a lot more than just look, did I suddenly turn into something dirty and disgusting?" He struggled fiercely against the startled man's hold. "Let me go! I won't touch you, if that's what you're worried about." He bucked, trying to push the heavier form away with his legs. "I wonder, am I supposed to pay you for what you did? Or should you pay me for letting you?"

Komui gasped, releasing the boy's wrists. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant that I would have taken you without really caring, without feeling anything for you like I would now!"

Lavi shook his head, sliding away. "What, like you said you felt a little while ago? Like I _deserved_ something for being patient enough to wait before I showed my real self?" He snorted. "You should have told me that you saw me that way, Komui. I could have kept my hands to myself."

The older man felt like his ribs would break under the pressure of his pounding heart. "Stop twisting everything I say! I'm telling you that it isn't like that, I never saw you as anything but you! If I'd let myself do that to you, it wouldn't have been right because I didn't think I loved you then!"

He slapped a hand over his mouth as if the action would push the words back from whence they came.

For a moment neither one made a sound. Then, Lavi sighed. "Whatever. You don't have to say that to make me feel better, Komui." He wrapped his arms around himself, resting his chin on his knees. "I knew I was pushing too hard, I admitted that already. I thought you'd tell me if it was too much for you, but you never did. You let me do as I pleased, and then you ran."

He willed himself not to cry, refusing to draw pity for his honest feelings. "It wasn't so bad, at first.. But after a while, it seemed like you were getting farther and farther away. We were supposed to be getting closer, but it felt like I was the only one that noticed you holding back." He sighed, smiling to himself. "Then, it started to _hurt_. It was like you didn't love me, and you didn't really believe that I loved you either. That's why I stopped saying it so much, because it seemed like it bothered you when I did. I didn't mean to say it before, but I couldn't help it."

Feeling the taletell prickling behind his eyelids, he clenched his hands. "I promised you that I'd wait, Komui. I just don't think I can anymore."

Komui gasped, the pain in his chest unbearable at his quiet statement. "Lavi.."

The boy shook his head. "It isn't that I don't love you. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing, especially now that.." He trailed off, forcing himself to be calm. "You're right, I shouldn't have tried so hard. It's been this long, and you still don't really understand.. I don't even know if you can."

He laughed humorlessly, ignoring the slight shaking of his voice. "I don't want to feel like that, like I'm doing too much of the wrong things and none of what matters. I don't want to make you feel like you have to lie to me, because you shouldn't have to!"

Komui reached out blindly, locating him by the sound of his voice. Grasping his arms, he jerked him forward. "I don't lie to you! I wouldn't, even if you wanted me to." He ignored the boy's startled cry at the tightness of his hold, refusing to relent as the younger male struggled briefly. "I don't want you to go! It didn't make sense to me until I said it, but I know what's wrong with me now." He buried his face against the other's neck, his voice muffled but understandable.

"I know I feel something for you Lavi, why else would hearing you say that hurt so much? When I think about you hurting because of me, I can't stand it! I wanted to love you, really I did.. I just think that you deserve better." He straightened, taking a steadying breath. Stroking the boy's cheek with his palm, he rested their foreheads together. "I think maybe that's why I kept telling myself that I didn't love you, because I was ashamed to let you be stuck with me."

Lavi bit his lip, tentatively returning his embrace. "I'm not stuck with anything, idiot. I told you, I've been thinking about it for a long time, more than a year now. It just took me a while to say it."

Komui laughed, shaking his head. "I remember that. Gods, you were so angry!" He sighed, pressing a kiss to the boy's temple. "But it was all right, you said what you needed to say, didn't you?" He leaned back, tipping the Exorcist's head up as he spoke. "I don't know how to explain myself, but I honestly can't remember feeling like this with anyone else. It's too different from how it was with other people.. I don't really know if that makes sense."

Lavi shivered as the man's breath touched his upturned face. "I think it's supposed to be like that.. Every time you love someone is supposed to be different, isn't it? I didn't feel like this when I had crushes on people before, even if there weren't that many.." He laughed softly. "God, that makes me sound pathetic.. But it's true. I thought about it for a long time before I understood that it was the same, just... _More_."

Komui blinked, shaking his head. "I feel like it's too much to just be more. It's stronger than that, it isn't even close to what I remember.. I never wanted to keep someone with me like this, and I certainly never wanted to... Well, forget _that_ for the moment." He winced. "What I mean is, I feel the same thing for you that I feel for Linali. Ah, not like that!" He rushed, sensing the boy's glare. "I can't imagine not having you here! That's what I mean. I want to be with you always, just like I want to keep her close. I _need_ you, Lavi."

The Exorcist's breath hitched at his quiet words, his hands shaking slightly against the man's bare back. "Don't say it unless you mean it," He warned, his voice steady. "If you want me to stay, I will, so don't say anything that you don't mean because you're afraid."

The scientist shook his head firmly. "I mean it. I wouldn't use something like that to keep you from leaving." Lavi tightened his arms, sighing.

"Then show me what you feel. Don't hold it back if you really mean it, Komui." He urged the man closer, laying a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. "I need to know what you want, because you don't say it." He smirked playfully. "Well, not with your mouth, anyway."

Komui nodded. "I'll try," He said, returning the boy's kiss. "It just seems like everything I want to say comes out wrong." Lavi hummed in agreement, inching closer.

"I know you get caught up sometimes, but it's all right to think things through before you say them, Komui. If it's something like that, I wouldn't mind waiting for you to sort yourself out." He shivered, nestling closer to the man's warmth. "I'm sorry that I didn't wait for you to explain, about..well, what you said. I just kinda overlooked everything and focused on one word."

Komui sighed, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn't mean to make you angry, Lavi." He smiled, noticing the other's discomfort. "Cold again?"

Lavi nodded. "Yeah, but it's your fault. I was all warm and cozy until you stopped molesting me."

The older man laughed. "Lavi! Don't say it like that, you make it sound like _I'm_ the one that's been groping you in your sleep!" The boy huffed indignantly.

"I wish you would. As a matter of fact.." He slid down in the bed, pulling the still laughing man down with him before tugging the blankets up to cover them. "That's better. Now, are you going to let a poor innocent boy freeze, or are you going to help me get warm again?"

Komui snorted. "Innocent my ass! You've already got your hand on... Oh, God.." He faltered, his breath catching as the younger male placed his free hand over his hip, pulling him closer. "Lavi, I still don't think.. "

Lavi smiled, reaching for the man's hand. Guiding it down, he urged his lover to touch him, sighing as the scientist's fingers began to stroke his back. "Please, don't make any more excuses? I know you want to do this, you're shaking.. I don't know how long it's been, but you need this, don't you?" He nestled closer, tugging gently at the older man's waistband. "Let me touch you? We don't have to do anything else, but please let me do that much?"

Komui shivered, biting his lip. "You don't have to do that, Lavi.. I don't expect anything from you, it's fine to just be with you." Lavi shook his head.

"Don't expect anything? Why would you say that?" He wrapped his arms around the older man, settling as close as possible. "Do I have to be like I was before, pushing myself on you? I hate doing that.." He paused, fighting the urge to groan in frustration. "It still feels like you can't stand my touch, Komui.. It isn't fair that you can be like this, touching me like that.. And then refusing to let me do the same!" He pulled away, clenching his hands until his short nails bit into his palms.

"You can't do that! I understand that you don't feel 'good enough', and that you think I don't know what I'm asking, but I do! I feel like I'm the one who isn't good enough, because nothing I say matters to you.. I'm not a child anymore, Komui. I know what I want." He sighed, pushing the blankets away as he sat up. "You're the one who isn't ready for _me_."

He moved to the edge of the bed, his arms around himself. "It's all right, Komui. I'll still be here when you make up your mind, but for now... I think I should just let you sort out what you feel." He ignored the man's sharp breath, searching vainly for his clothing in the darkened room. "I'm not angry with you, so don't worry. I just don't see any other way to make this work."

Komui bolted upright, scrambling to his feet. " _No!_ That wasn't what I meant!" He gripped the boy's shoulder tightly, pulling him flush against his body. "I meant that... You can do whatever you like, Lavi." He wrapped his arms around the Exorcist's waist, backing toward the bed. Feeling the edge of the mattress against his knees, he sank down, drawing the boy into his lap.

"What do you want, Lavi? Do you want me to touch you?" He ran his fingers down the boy's sides, lingering at the dip of his waist. "Here, sweetheart? Or are you past that?" He leaned in, trailing parted lips over the other's collarbone. "Maybe you want something more..personal?" He smiled, hands dropping to the other's thighs. "Tell me what you want, Lavi. Do you want me to kiss you? Or do you want my mouth somewhere else?" He moved back, settling into the center of the bed.

Lavi blinked at him, wide eyed in apprehension. "I..I want.." He shook his head, his thoughts muddled at the man's increasingly fervent touches.

Komui smiled, urging his lover backwards onto the bed. "You liked that didn't you? Having me between your legs, licking you? You tasted wonderful, Lavi.." He moved his hands from the boy's hips, parting his shaking knees before insinuating himself into the space between them. "I loved doing that to you, making you feel so good.. I wish I'd done it sooner." Lavi shuddered at his tone, his eye slipping closed with a moan as the man raised himself slightly. "But that's not all you like, is it? You like it when I move like this.."

He rocked against the boy's arousal, feeling him arch into the contact. "I wonder if you'd like it as much if I were inside you? It might not feel as good.." Lavi gasped, wrapping his legs around the older man desperately.

"Komui, please..! Don't say it if you aren't..." He faltered, feeling him pull away. " _Wait!_ Don't..!" The scientist laughed softly.

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere. Didn't you tell me to get rid of these?" He teased, tugging his slacks and underwear to mid-thigh before kicking them off. "Mm, you're right, that is better.." He sank down, his hands resuming their soft strokes on the boy's damp skin. "You have the _best_ ideas, Lavi.."

He gripped the redhead's hips, pulling their bodies together firmly. "You wanted to feel that, didn't you? Is it enough?"

Lavi whimpered, nodding urgently. " _Yes_ , God yes.. Now?"

Komui shook his head, continuing his slow movements. "Not just yet.. You've been begging for it for so long, I think you should get _exactly_ what you asked for." He leaned down, his tongue leaving wet trails across the boy's breastbone. "I'm going to make you come so hard that you won't know your own name, Lavi.." He whispered, lapping at one peaked nipple, smiling at the Exorcist's shaky cries. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

Lavi shuddered, flushing hotly at his blatant words. "Please.. I want to.. _Komui!_ " He panted, unable to express his desperation as the man slipped a hand down to stroke the junction of his thighs. Feeling his hand descend still further, he held his breath in mixed pleasure and anxiety.

Komui stroked the boy's skin reverently, his fingers brushing softly over his tight entrance. "That's where you want me, isn't it? Do you know what I have to do to get you ready for that Lavi?"

The younger boy nodded hesitantly, struggling for breath. "I know.. I read about it once.." Komui smiled, biting down gently on his shoulder.

"That's good.. I wouldn't want to do anything to frighten you. Can you reach my nightstand?" Lavi stretched up, feeling the wood beneath his fingers. Hearing his quiet confirmation, the older man sighed. "Open the top drawer, and give me the bottle that's in the front, please?"

Lavi bit his lip, doing as he asked. grasping blindly, he pulled the slightly cool container out, closing the drawer before handing it to his lover. "This one?" He whispered, proud that his voice trembled only slightly.

Komui nodded, flipping the cap open with his thumb. "Thank you. Are you sure that you want this? I can wait if you don't, Lavi. Please be sure."

The Exorcist's reply was faint but clear. "I'm sure.. Just..Be careful, please? I've heard that it can hurt a lot.." The man sighed, resting on his elbows.

Setting the bottle aside, he cupped the boy's flushed cheeks gently. "I know it may feel strange at first, but I promise you that it won't be bad. If it hurts, tell me and I'll stop. I wouldn't hurt you at all if I could help it."

Lavi nodded, pressing their lips together briefly. "I will.. But I trust you 'Mui. I know you wouldn't hurt me." He smiled, rocking his hips against the man's heavier body. "Please? I'm not afraid, I just don't know what to do from here..." He gasped quietly, feeling the other's hand drop to his thigh again, fingers rubbing slow circles on the sensitive skin.

Komui hummed in agreement, leaning back as he reached for the discarded bottle. "That's all right, I'll show you _everything_ you want to know.. Just relax," He squeezed a generous portion of the slippery liquid into his hand, coating his fingers well. Sliding his slickened fingers across the boy's heated skin, he pressed a reassuring kiss to his abdomen as he spread the moist substance over his lover's opening. "Stop me any time, Lavi," He murmured, pressing the tip of his finger inward. Feeling no resistance, he moved forward steadily, moaning at the sudden tremors that lanced through the boy's muscles.

"All right, Lavi? I can take as long as you need.." The redhead shivered, hands falling to sink deeply into the blanket.

"It's fine.. It doesn't hurt at all, it's..There isn't a word for it, 'Mui.." He gasped, tensing as he felt the man work in a second digit. "Oh, God.. wait! It's too much, just stay there for a minute, please.." Komui stilled instantly, inhaling sharply.

"Does it hurt? We can stop here if you need to.." Lavi cut him off with a strained whisper.

"It doesn't hurt, not really.. It feels good, I just wanted to be sure that it wouldn't be.. I'm all right now, go ahead."

Komui sighed, sliding his fingers back before moving deeper, searching for something he knew was there. Feeling the slight ridge of skin against his fingertips, he pressed into it firmly, relishing the boy's gasping cry. "Right there, Lavi? That's what makes this good, just that one tiny thing.." He flexed his fingers, stroking the small bundle of nerves. "That's what it will feel like, when I take you.. Do you like it?" Lavi bucked against his hand, shaking.

"God yes.. Please hurry, I need you..!" Komui chuckled quietly.

"Relax, Lavi.. It's too important to rush, I don't want to hurt you." He pulled back, adding more wetness to his hand. "Just a little more, I promise." Pressing forward again, he twisted his hand gently, easing in one last finger, murmuring soft reassurances as he heard the boy stifle a sharp whimper.

Lavi tightened his grip on the thick blankets, forcing himself to relax. "It's all right, 'Mui.. Please don't make me wait, I want you so bad.." He gasped, reaching for his lover . "Please, aren't you ready?"

Komui nodded, withdrawing his fingers. "Lavi, I've been ready for _months_.. All those times I had to leave, it was because I wanted this. I wanted to feel you wrapped around me, shaking and begging for more.. I wanted to make you feel so good that you'd never forget me." He spread the remaining liquid over himself, leaning up to kiss his shivering lover. "Even before I felt like this, I wanted that."

He pressed forward, braced to stop at the first sign of pain. Lavi grunted softly at the feeling of being stretched, his arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders as he panted. "What..do you feel, 'Mui? Why didn't you let me go?"

The older man's voice was breathless, his arms shaking as he struggled to be patient. "I told you, didn't I?" Lavi shook his head, rocking his hips slowly.

"You said it was different, and you said 'I think'. That's not the same thing.. Say it, if you meant it?" He moaned softly at the feeling of his lover's tense muscles. "Please move now.. If you can't say it, show me?"

Komui shook his head, moving forward until he felt resistance. "I can do both, Lavi.." He pulled back, gasping at the boy's tightness. Leaning in for a kiss, he thrust forward slowly. "God, Lavi.. Don't you know?" He rested his head in the crook of his lover's neck, nipping the point of his pulse. "I wouldn't be doing this now if I didn't love you.. Can't you feel..?"

Lavi moved to meet him, mewling as he felt the man slide against the place he'd found before. "I want you to say it.. Please, 'Mui?"

The scientist nodded, rising to his elbows. Intensifying his slow movements, he kissed the other boy deeply before replying. "I love you, Lavi.. So much..." He stroked a hand down the Exorcist's side, drawing his bent knee up to cover his hip. "You feel so damned good.. Are you all right?"

Lavi cried out at the change in position, his hands tightening against the older man's back. "Yes..! Better than.. _Komui!_ " He lifted his hips, wrapping his legs firmly around his lover's waist. "Please, just like that! _Harder!_ "

Komui moaned wordlessly, increasing his tempo to match the other male's urgent pleas. He could feel that his partner was close, his almost frantic cries driving him on to his own climax. Gasping for breath, he nipped and sucked at the boy's shoulder and throat, lifting him higher as he searched desperately for just the right angle. A choked scream rewarded his efforts, and he thrust mercilessly against the place that made his lover beg plaintively for more.

"Ooh God.. _please_..! It's so fucking good!" His voice broke as he pleaded, his heartbeat drowning out the sound of his panting breaths. "I'm.. 'Mui, please don't stop, I'm going to..!" The older man gasped sharply, nodding.

"I know, Lavi.. Do it, I want you to come..Now!" He bit down fiercely on his lip, fighting back his own release as he felt the boy's increasingly ragged shudders. Ignoring the taste of blood, he pulled him even closer. "Please Lavi, I can't wait... Come with me?"

Lavi arched up, his arms and legs locked around his lover as he cried his name. Komui gasped harshly at the intense tightening around him, sinking himself as deeply as possible into the boy's embrace as he came with a breathless moan.

Feeling the older man's rapid heartbeat, Lavi sighed contentedly. With his needs completely sated, he allowed himself a quiet laugh. "Now, see? That wasn't so bad, was it 'Mui? I _knew_ you could do it, I never doubted you for a second!" The scientist raised himself to his elbows, staring down at the boy's smiling face.

"Don't make me bite you.." He slipped backward, pulling free of his lover's body with a reluctant sigh. " _Was_ it so bad, Lavi?" He teased, leaning down to kiss the boy's sweaty brow. "I think we should clean up, it seems we've made quite a mess here." He trailed a finger down the other's flat abdomen, showing him exactly what _'mess'_ he was referring to.

Lavi flushed lightly, scowling up at him in feigned annoyance. "It's _your_ fault.. You made me do it, so you should be the one to take care...of..!" He faltered, feeling the older man slide back. "Komui, wha..? Oh, I was kidding! You don't have to..!" His breath caught as he felt his lover's tongue swipe across his stomach in a lingering caress.

Komui lifted his head, smiling wickedly. "Ah well.. Waste not, want not, Lavi." He laughed at the boy's scandalized expression. "We really should do something about it though. Care to take a bath with me? I promise not to molest you..Not _too_ much, anyway."

Lavi snorted quietly. "Right. Did anyone ever tell you that you're a dirty old man, Komui?" The scientist nodded gleefully.

"Indeed. And I plan on living for a very long time, so I suggest you get used to it, _Tatao_." Lavi stared at him for a moment.

"What did you call me?"

Komui smirked, amused at his wary tone. "Ah, something that you actually don't know? Well, that's a surprise. Coming?" He stood, stretching as he made his way to the darkened bathroom. Lavi watched him curiously, filing the strange-sounding word away for future research.

"You bet your ass I am.. God, I'm sore..Why didn't you warn me about that?" The older man's soft chuckle was almost drowned out by the sound of running water.

"Ah, I'm sure I can think of _something_ to fix that.. Now, how hot do you like your water, Lavi?" The Exorcist shook his head, making his way to the man's side.

"However you like, I don't care as long as it isn't scalding or freezing." Eyeing the sizable bathtub, he snorted. "Well at least it won't be cramped.."

Komui smiled innocently. "I'm sure there's _plenty_ of room for the both of us, Lavi.. Do you want the wall side, or the tap side?"

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So there you have it, sports fans, another horrifying chapter! As always, please feel free to review, I love hearing from you all!

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	5. An Unfortunate Circumstance

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Chapter Four - An Unfortunate Circumstance  
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Chapter Four already! Isn't that just wonderful..  
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Komui smirked at his young companion's expression, resting his back easily against the side of the bath. "Well?" He asked, his eyebrow cocked expectantly.

Lavi eyed the innocently smiling man skeptically. "Why'd you offer me wall side if you were gonna sit there yourself?" He asked, shaking his head. Komui smiled brilliantly, ignoring the boy's exasperated tone.

"Well, it's not like you couldn't sit here.." He motioned to his parted knees, trailing a finger on the surface of the water. "I could wash your back!" Lavi rubbed his temples, resisting the urge to laugh.

"All right, have it your way," He said, stepping carefully into the tub. Flinching at the heat, he sat down gingerly. "Well, it's warm anyway.." He muttered, settling down comfortably. He smiled when he felt the older man's arms wrap tightly around his middle. Leaning back, he sighed contentedly. "At least you make a good bath pillow," He laughed, "I think I could fall asleep, baths always make me tired."

Komui nodded. "It's very relaxing. I can't remember sharing a bath with anyone since I came here, though." He snorted quietly. "Actually, I can't remember sharing much of anything. I guess I was afraid to get involved with the people here, since I only stayed to be with Linali."

Lavi smiled. "Well, I can understand wanting to be with your only family, but after a while it would have been good to be with other people too. We're supposed to be like a family here, aren't we?" He sighed quietly. "I'm not supposed to see it like that, but there's still something between all of us here. It's more than just work, isn't it?"

Komui nodded, laughing. "It is," He admitted, reaching for a nearby washcloth. "I don't think I can honestly deny that some of the people here are more than just acquaintances." He soaked the cloth carefully, retrieving a bar of lightly scented soap from the tub's edge. Working up a satisfactory lather, he shifted slightly to reach around his lover's shoulders.

"May I?" He asked, smiling at the boy's tired nod. "Good. Now, just relax hm?" He drew the soapy cloth over the firm skin, taking his time as the redhead sighed in pleasure. "Feeling a little better, Lavi?"

The younger boy hummed appreciatively, nodding. "Feels good.. Need me to move?" He asked, making to sit up. The scientist let him adjust his position, fighting a shiver as the Exorcist's sudden movements brought his rear into almost-contact with his groin. Laughing quietly at his thoughts, he lathered the boy's shoulders, his hand moving firmly enough to avoid tickling the sensitive nape of his lover's neck.

Lavi sighed, reaching carelessly up to remove his bandanna. Dropping it to the floor, he lifted his hands to his hair, his fingers working through the loosened strands, mussing it into a more relaxed style. Komui nuzzled against the thick softness, slightly surprised at it's texture.

"Do you want to wash it?" He asked, taking in the strangely exciting scent. Lavi wrinkled his brow in momentary thought, finally nodding.

"I guess I might as well.. Mind if I use your shampoo?" The older man huffed quietly.

"Oh, yes. My bed, fine. My bathtub, certainly. My shampoo? Now that's completely off limits." He finished washing the boy's smooth back, dipping the washcloth into the water to rinse it. Wringing the liquid over his lover's skin, he carefully removed all traces of soap before nudging the younger male forward. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I don't mind."

Relathering the cloth, he quickly washed himself, laughing at his companion's slightly indignant expression. "Actually," He murmured, resting his head lightly on the boy's shoulder, "I rather like the idea of you smelling like me." He caught a stray drop of water from the other's neck with his tongue, his mouth lingering on the wet skin teasingly. "Is that foolish?"

Lavi shuddered, shaking his head jerkily. "N..no, I don't think so.." He gasped quietly as the older man found a particularly sensitive place, biting his lip to stifle a moan. "I don't think I mind having your scent on me, I love how you smell.." He winced, aware of the inherent sappiness of his words. "How are we going to do this?" He asked, desperate to change the subject.

Komui snickered quietly, fighting back a lecherous response with immense difficulty. Feeling the man shake, Lavi glanced warily over his shoulder. "What are you thinking about? And don't you _dare_ say 'nothing', 'Mui. I know you better than you think."

The scientist shook his head, laughing. "Oh, it wasn't quite 'nothing', but it wasn't _that_ bad.." Nudging gently against the other's backside, he smiled at his sudden jerk. "You're the one who pointed out that I'm a dirty old man, after all." He slid back slightly, still grinning. "Besides my obvious perversity, you can do whatever you like." He gestured toward the nearby cabinet. "There's a cup in there, if you'd rather not lie back."

The younger boy shook his head. "I don't mind it, if you don't." He didn't wait for a reply, sliding forward until there was ample room for his intended method. Leaning back, he trusted his companion to steady him if need be as he tipped his head back. Working his fingers through his hair, he soaked it thoroughly before sitting up.

Watching the rivulets of water trail down his lover's back, Komui wordlessly offered him a small bottle, smiling brightly when the boy shook his head. "Tip your head a bit," He said, pouring a generous amount of the slick liquid into his hand and closing the lid. Lavi complied readily, closing his eye with a pleased sigh at the feeling of his partner's long fingers against his scalp.

"Mm, that feels so good," He mumbled, smiling. "You're wonderful with your hands, 'Mui.." The man blinked at his seemingly innocent words, raising a suspicious eyebrow at the timbre of the younger male's voice.

Tugging gently, he urged the redhead to lean back, rinsing his hair well before helping him rise. "I don't think I need to wash mine, I got it last night.." He said, trailing off when the Exorcist snickered. "Don't you start," He said warningly. "The offer to bite you still stands, you know." Lavi glanced back at him in mock horror.

"You mean, you'd put your awful, scary _mouth_ on little old me? Oh, whatever will I do?"

Komui scowled, suppressing the obvious reply in favor of an arched eyebrow. "You'll make this absolutely _delicious_ sound, and then I'll have to replace the fixtures on my bathtub."

Lavi stared at him in astonished disbelief, then curiosity. "Why would you have to.." He trailed off, his eye narrowing. "Quit sniggering and explain that to me, please? I _know_ you didn't mean it like I think you did."

The older man waved his hand weakly, clearing his throat. "That depends on what _you_ thought I meant, doesn't it Lavi?"

The boy flushed hotly, averting his face. "Hmph. Don't be coy, you know _exactly_ what I thought you meant." He shook his head in completely false dismay. "And here I was, actually hoping that you wouldn't be as much of a tease after a decent lay."

Komui smiled, dragging his unresisting body flush against himself. "Whoever said I was _teasing_? You should know better than anyone that I don't say things like that if I don't really mean it." He nibbled gently on the side of his lover's exposed throat, relishing the sharp whimper that his ministrations produced.

"What _did_ you think, Lavi? You're awfully hot all of a sudden.." He continued his slow progress, his mouth leaving a trail of light red marks in their wake as he moved down the line of his shivering companion's neck to his shoulder. Sucking briefly at the edge of the boy's collarbone, he hummed contentedly at the beginnings of what seemed to be a rusty purr of arousal from his lover's arched throat.

The Exorcist's breath became increasingly ragged as he leaned into the man's hold, his hands clenched tightly to prevent himself from grabbing the cold edge of the tub. "That's..Still teasing," He whispered, closing his eye with a quiet moan. "Are you going to actually _do_ something, or are you just going to keep fucking with me?"

Komui laughed softly, his hands moving lower in time with his husky reply. "Why, yes. To both." He stroked the inside of his lover's thigh, his fingers inscribing small circles on the slick skin. "I would have thought that the answer was obvious, Lavi." His free hand splayed on the boy's abdomen, holding him tightly as he lowered the other still further. "I was planning on doing _something_ in the not-too-distant future, actually. If by _'something'_ you meant _you_."

Lavi nodded rapidly, leaning his head on the older man's shoulder. " _Yes._ What do you mean, not-too-distant? Now is looking pretty damn good to me." He sat up, tucking his legs beneath him carefully as he reached for the drain plug. Hearing his lover's sharp breath, he looked back, taking in the wide-eyed expression of open lust on the man's face. "Oh, would you look at that.. I'm _so_ sorry."

Komui swallowed heavily. "I _am_ looking, believe me."

Lavi smirked challengingly. "Oh, were you? I hadn't noticed. Besides that," He shifted his weight, holding the tub's slippery edge carefully. "Was there anything else you wanted? I'd hate to leave you sitting here by yourself while I go out there and get nice and comfy _in your bed._ "

The older man gaped at him stupidly for a moment, then nodded. "There _was_ something, but it can wait until later.. " He watched the boy's expression carefully, noticing his slight wince as he rose from the cooling water. Lavi reached for a towel, turning to look at the scientist as he also rose to leave the tub.

"Can I borrow a shirt too, 'Mui? It's chilly in here and I don't exactly carry an extra.." He smiled winningly, his face taking on a mischievous expression. "Or you could maybe.." The man took in his appearance, from his damp hair and flushed cheeks to the towel now slung carelessly low on his hips.

"Of course you can, Lavi." He replied, his voice steady despite his sudden jolt of aroused longing. "Is there anything else you need?" The redhead's eye widened appreciatively as the taller man stepped toward him to retrieve a towel for himself.

"You have _no_ idea," He said, grinning. "But I really wouldn't mind explaining it."

He cast one final glance at the older man's face, raising an eyebrow meaningfully as he exited the room. Trusting that his lover would accompany him, he walked to stand by the bedside, his smile widening as he heard the sound of the older man's voice as he riffled through his closet for a shirt.

"I hope you don't mind if it's a little old? It's pretty comfortable though.." He emerged holding a well-worn pullover, it's original deep emerald color faded slightly with time. "Is this good? It's shortsleeved, so it should fit.." He paused, seeing the younger boy's expression. "Lavi? What's wrong?"

The redhead looked from the proffered shirt to his lover's anxious confusion, his eye wide. "How.." He swallowed hard, continuing. "How long have you had that?" He asked, his voice oddly strained. The older man frowned thoughtfully, still mildly alarmed at the younger male's reaction.

"Ah, close to ten years, I think. I'm sorry, I'll find something else.." He smiled sheepishly, turning back to his still open closet. Lavi stepped forward quickly, grabbing his arm and halting his retreat.

" _No!_ It.. It's fine, I'm sorry!" He took the garment, tugging it carefully over his head. "See? It's great, don't worry about it. So, what was the thing you wanted?" Changing the subject abruptly, he smiled. "Does it have anything to do with needing another bath?"

Komui eyed him warily. "Lavi."

The younger boy shook his head firmly. "It's nothing, just drop it, please?"

He looked away, his gaze settling on a neatly framed picture hung above the bed. "Is that you?" He asked curiously, climbing onto the bed for a closer look. "It is! I'd recognize Linali anywhere.. How old was she, five, six?"

He glanced back at the older man playfully, his eye roving over the still damp expanse of his skin. "I didn't know that you used to keep your hair long.. Why'd you cut it?" Komui laughed quietly, shaking his head.

"I got tired of it. Besides that, I think Linali-chan was almost six there, if memory serves we were coming back from a party for one of her friends." He smiled ruefully, lost for a moment in recollection. "It wasn't too long after that, when the Order brought her here. Our parent's were the only family we had, so when they died I had to take care of her.." He sighed, shaking his head. "It was a long time ago, you've already heard about that, surely."

Lavi nodded, biting his lip. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up." Komui waved his hand quickly, frowning at his sudden nervousness.

"It's fine, I don't mind you asking. After all," He smiled crookedly, amused. "Aren't we supposed to learn about each other? I'm sure there are things about you that I don't know. Maybe some deep, dark secrets?"

Lavi nodded, relieved. "Well, maybe one or two.." He grinned suggestively. "Like how I tend to prefer crazy older men, or the fact that I really don't mind it when you grab my.." Komui laughed loudly, cutting him off.

"Now, now.. It won't be a secret if you just tell me! I'm supposed to figure it out on my own, right?" He eyed the younger boy's pose lecherously. "Actually, I don't mind trying a little interrogation.. You _do_ realize that you're still mostly naked, don't you?"

Lavi glanced down at himself in mock-astonishment. "Well, what do you know.. I think you're right! Wow, nothing gets past you!" He looked up slowly, still smiling. "But other than your _incredible_ powers of observation, what are you going to do about it?"

Komui blinked at him, his surprise genuine. "If I didn't know better.. But you wouldn't be teasing, would you?" He crossed the space separating them quickly, his eyes never leaving the younger boy's expectant face. "Because teasing when you're like that is a _very_ bad idea, Lavi."

The other's eye widened innocently. "A bad idea? What definition of ' _bad_ ' are you going by, 'Mui? I was just asking.. Besides, you were the one that started it!"

The older man moved closer, joining his smaller lover on the bed. "Oh, I did, did I? Well, if that's how you see it, fine." He pressed his lips briefly to the side of the Exorcist's smirking mouth. "Since I started it, I suppose it's up to me to finish it, hm?"

He took advantage of the other's indignant huff, cutting off any retort the boy may have made by crushing their lips together, his hands roaming over the redhead's barely-clothed body as he molded himself against the younger boy's back. Pulling away, he nipped the other's shoulder. "I know you aren't teasing, though."

He allowed his breath to fan gently over the boy's ear, deliberately lowering his voice. "I know, because you're far too intelligent to do something so foolish, aren't you? You wouldn't be here, like this," He jerked the Exorcist's hips back against his own, drawing a startled whine from his throat. "..without knowing what could happen.. What I might do to you."

Lavi made to speak, his hands gripping the solid form of the headboard for support, but the older man silenced him with a growl. " _Do_ you know, Lavi? Do you have the slightest idea what I thought, seeing you like this?"

He ignored the boy's indrawn breath, continuing his line of questioning undeterred. "Didn't you say that you were sore, Lavi? Because you don't act like it concerns you.. Maybe I should let you think about it a little more, before I forget that this is new to you.."

His lover's breathing sped up considerably, his racing heart clearly noticeable through his borrowed shirt. "If I weren't so nice, I might just do you anyway," He said, tightening his grip slightly. "But I don't want to do that to you, because I really doubt that you'd like me very much in the morning."

Komui gasped as Lavi ground against him impatiently. "Stop telling me what you _might_ do and do it!" He growled, looking over his shoulder. His hands clenched tightly against the wood of the headboard. "I'm not going to break, Komui! Stop treating me like I don't know what you want!"

He leaned his head down, welcoming the cool feeling against his face. "I told you, I want this! Please, why won't you...!" He cried out, surprised at the firmness of his lover's grip.

Komui leaned forward, pressing his chest to the boy's arched back. "I remember.." He whispered, biting down on his lover's skin gently. "You told me that you'd be just like this, if I asked." He smiled at the Exorcist's ragged moan. "When you said that.. You wouldn't believe how much I wanted it, even though I said I didn't."

Lavi struggled for breath, straightening his arms to support himself. "Did you? I wondered if you really thought about it, when you left that night.." He panted quietly, lifting his head. "I did.. You were shaking when I asked, like you couldn't stand it." He pushed back, spreading his knees even further. "Please..Don't make me wait anymore! We've already done it once, why is it different now?" He demanded, his voice catching in his throat.

"Do I have to beg for it every time, 'Mui?" He whispered, shaking his head. "After all this time, I have to convince you?" His voice dropped sharply. "Was.. the first time not good enough?"

The scientist gasped at the soft pain in his words. "No, Lavi!" He wrapped his arms around the other's waist. "It's not that, not at all!" Yanking the Exorcist back, he broke the boy's hold on the headboard. Lifting him, he shook his head. "Don't ever think that! I loved how you felt.." He closed his eyes, remembering the feeling. "So hot, and.. God, Lavi.. You really can't tell..?" He pressed forward, shuddering. "You don't know how much I want you right now.. Having you on your knees, screaming for me...Begging me to fuck you harder.." He tapered off, biting his lip. "I loved that," He whispered, nestling against his lover's nape in shame. "Just hearing you say it was enough to drive me crazy.."

Lavi moaned, leaning into the older man's embrace. "It was even better after that," He said, stroking his lover's thigh. "You were so good.. I want to feel like that again.." He whispered, searching for the scientist's hand. Locating it, he guided it to his lips, licking the tip of one finger. "Please, 'Mui? I'll do anything you want.."

He nipped the other's finger gently. "Do you want me to suck you? It felt so good when you did it to me.." He turned, pulling away to meet his lover's heated gaze. "I'd love to see how you taste.." Komui choked, images of the boy kneeling between his thighs swamping his mind.

"N..No, you don't have to do that." He mumbled, shaking away the thought. "I wanted to make you feel as much as I could, to show you how much I needed you.. That's why I did that, Lavi, Not because I expected you to do it to me." The younger boy laughed quietly.

"What about me? Maybe I want to make you feel the same way.." He sighed, nudging against his lover slowly. "I promise not to bite you.." He urged, pushing the man back. "I'll do whatever you like, just tell me how?" He whimpered, closing his eye in embarrassment. "I want to, because I need you too, 'Mui...So much.." Biting his lip, he leaned over his now supine lover.

"Please?" He murmured, moving back to the man's waist. "I want to make you feel like I did, help me?"

Komui moaned, nodding. "Anything you want Lavi.. Just having you here is good enough for me.." He paused, his heart pounding relentlessly as Lavi bent down, drawing his tongue wetly over the warm skin before him. "La..vi..!" He arched helplessly into the contact, gripping the blankets firmly. "Oh God, you.. _Aah!_ " Words failed him as the boy hummed contentedly, his hands joining his mouth in exploration.

"Is this right?" He murmured, glancing upward briefly. Seeing his lover's furrowed brow and tightly closed eyes, he paused. "Am I doing something wrong?" The older man shook his head, taking a breath.

"No.. It's perfect, Lavi." He laughed quietly, his voice strained. "I think it may be a little _too_ good, if anything.." Opening his eyes, he met the younger boy's anxious gaze. "You don't have to do this now, there's plenty..of..." His words trailed into silence at the Exorcist's intent stare.

Lavi held his look, his expression serious. "I know there's time, 'Mui," He said, leaning down without breaking eye contact. "But right now, I want to do something for you. Can't I do that?" He averted his face suddenly, sighing. "I've wanted to do things like this for a long time, but you wouldn't let me.. Don't you want it, even just a little?"

The scientist leaned up, catching the boy's face in one hand. Urging him to turn back, he frowned at the tense set of his lover's jaw. "More than just 'a little', Lavi.." He pushed himself upright with his free hand, only stilling when their eyes were a scant inch apart. "I've wanted you for so long that I can't remember what it was like _not_ to." He shook his head silently when the Exorcist made to speak.

"Let me finish, please?" He said, waiting for the other's grudging nod. "I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, so I hid it under anything that I could. After a while, I had to face it.. But even then I tried to tell myself that it couldn't be right." He laughed humorlessly, sighing as he continued. "I hated it, because I was afraid that one day, I wouldn't be able to tell you no. You always tried so hard, but I couldn't stop feeling like you were trying to prove something to me."

Again, he waited for a nod of confirmation before proceeding. "Did you think that I doubted your feelings? I knew that you wanted to show me how serious you were, but it always made me feel like you were afraid." He shifted his hand to cradle his lover's head, pulling him forward for the briefest of kisses. "I didn't want to say no, Lavi. From that very first night, I _craved_ you. I wanted you so much that I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't take what you offered _because_ it meant so much to you. I wanted to love you the same way, enough to give you everything."

He smiled suddenly, closing his eyes. "I should have told you that, because even then I knew that I _could_ love you. It didn't really make sense to me, but I could almost see it being real." He looked up, catching the boy's wide-eyed stare. "I shouldn't have been afraid, Lavi. I don't know why I didn't see it for what it was, unless it's just the way I think."

The younger boy blinked at him, his voice shaky as he tried to respond. "How you.. What do you mean, see it for what it was? What..?" Komui smiled at his confusion.

"I mean that I work in facts, Lavi. Proof and certainty, that's all. When I thought about things like 'destiny' or 'fate', I needed to have something to back it up." He moved closer, feeling the boy's rushed breath on his cheek as he inclined his head slightly. His lips brushed teasingly against his lover's as he spoke, finishing his impulsive speech with the only thing that made sense. "I should have seen that _you_ were all the proof I needed."

The younger boy gasped at the lancet of emotion that followed the man's words, but the sound was muffled against his lover's mouth as he proceeded to kiss him thoroughly, his hands stroking the suddenly damp skin of the Exorcist's face. Pulling back, Komui sighed quietly. "You'll never have to convince me to do anything, Lavi. I don't think I could tell you no if I tried, not anymore."

He wiped gently at the wet trails on the boy's flushed cheeks, noticing that his breath hitched enticingly when the older man's thumb caught the edge of his lip. "If there's anything that you need from me, tell me. Everything I have is as much yours as it is mine, if you want it."

Lavi stared at him mutely, shaking his head without breaking the man's light hold on his face. "I..I don't want anything but you," He managed, blinking rapidly. "But I'm the same! You've never asked me for anything, not once!" He looked away, embarrassed by his outburst. "I don't want you to feel like I'm doing this because I'm afraid! I know you won't leave me if we don't have sex, 'Mui. I've always known that."

He clenched his hands, twisting his fingers into the hem of his borrowed shirt. "When you stopped letting me touch you, I thought you were trying to tell me that you didn't want _me_ anymore!" He looked up, catching the scientist's eyes. "That was the only reason I had to be afraid. Even now, I don't know if you understand me.. I'm always thinking about you, not just about this," He gestured vaguely at his semi-clothed body.

"But about _you._ I couldn't believe how much I missed you, even when I thought you might.." He faltered, taking in the older man's surprised concern. Shaking off his nerves, he forced himself to continue. "Even when I thought you might leave. It was pathetic." He laughed mockingly. "It made me wonder if you started this thing because you didn't know how you felt. I hated it, but I wondered if maybe you'd had time to think it through and just didn't know how to tell me that you couldn't.."

Komui seized his hands, hauling him forward. "I didn't know, but I wouldn't have been with you if I hadn't thought we could make this work, Lavi." He spread his hands, interlacing their fingers tightly. "When I started thinking that I had to stay away, it wasn't that I doubted this. I was afraid that you'd have let me.. I thought you might not tell me no, because I knew you could see how much I wanted you."

He bit his lip, ashamed at the memory of his desperation. "You _told_ me that you knew. Almost every time we ended up in bed, you told me that you could feel it, that you wanted it too.. I knew that one day, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I felt like I was using you to make myself give in."

He shook his head, breaking eye contact. "It disgusted me. I wanted to love you, but at the same time.. I wanted something to force my hand. After the last time, I knew that I couldn't trust myself. If you had come straight out and _demanded_ that I take you or let you go, I.." He glanced back guiltily. "I would have done anything you asked, to keep _you_ from leaving _me_."

Lavi met his gaze calmly, ignoring the quiet hiss that accompanied the room's sudden darkness. "I wouldn't have done that to you, 'Mui. Even if it had meant waiting longer, I wouldn't have tried to force you like that." He leaned close, locating the older man's face by the sound of his quiet breaths. "I wish you'd told me that you felt like that, it might have stopped you from thinking that you had to avoid me to keep me safe."

He sighed deeply, tugging on their joined hands until the older man leaned in to meet him. "I want you, not just a quick lay here and there.. I've just spent all this time telling you, and now that I can do something besides talk.." He smiled, the expression evident to his companion even in the darkness. "I want to do just as much of this as I used to do of that."

He felt the scientist's pulse through his slightly damp palms, it's steady beat spiking at his soft words as the man nodded.

"All right," Komui whispered, tightening his grip. "If you know that you don't have to do this, then do whatever you like. I won't stop you if it's what you really want, Lavi." He allowed himself to be moved forward, following his lover's unspoken request. "What _do_ you want, if not to talk?"

Lavi freed one of his hands, cupping the older man's neck to guide him closer. "You." He pressed their lips together, sliding carefully into his lover's lap as he pulled back to speak. "I want you to do all of the things that you stopped yourself from doing before, 'Mui. All of the things that you kept from me when you were so sure that you were doing something _wrong_ by wanting me."

He moved his face into the crook of the man's neck and shoulder, his mouth lingering on the skin as he tugged the other's arm around himself. "I want to know that _you_ aren't afraid anymore, please?"

Komui nodded faintly, his breath catching at the boy's gentle nips and open mouthed kisses. "I..I'm not afraid, I swear, Lavi.." He pushed lightly on the Exorcist's chest, moving him back until he could feel the soft brushes of his lover's breath on his face. "I just don't want to do anything that's going to hurt you, later."

Lavi laughed quietly, shaking his head. "I think I'll be okay, 'Mui." Resting his forehead against the older man's, he stroked his back and shoulders reassuringly. "Believe me, as long as I've been waiting, I doubt having you will hurt nearly as much as _not_ having you."

The scientist nodded in understanding. "I know exactly what you mean.. Sometimes it was so bad that I couldn't even think." He dropped his hands to the boy's naked hips, pulling him as close as possible. "If you don't mind being a little more sore tomorrow, then neither do I."

He caught the redhead's mouth with his own, moaning quietly when the other's lips parted hungrily. Lavi met his eager tongue with his own, urging the older man to deepen the contact with a low growl and a slight rocking of his hips.

Komui obliged him, moving against the other's body with definite interest. "How?" He murmured, breaking away only for as long as it took to utter the word. Lavi panted quietly, his pulse pounding in his ears as he tried desperately to think with the man's lips at his throat.

"Like...We were before you stopped," He said, gasping at the slight press of teeth. "It felt so good, with you moving like that.." He leaned into the man's touches, willing his voice to obey him. "You said you wanted it too, so why not see if it's as good as you thought it would be?"

Komui nodded jerkily, his eyes closed tightly as he fought to suppress a shiver. " _Yes,_ " He whispered, loosening is hold to allow his lover to move. Lavi slid back, his knees shaking slightly as he turned away.

Groping blindly for a moment, he located the edge of the mattress, reaching carefully toward the side table. Feeling the cool glass of the object he sought, he offered it to his waiting companion with a quiet mumble. "Here, I guess you'll be needing this.."

He felt the older man take hold of the bottle, and turned again in search of the solid shape of the headboard. Gripping it tightly, he gasped softly at the feeling of slick fingers on his skin, relaxing as best he could despite his eagerness.

Komui worked as gently as he could, alert for the slightest sign of pain as he stretched the boy's still-tight opening with shaking hands. Feeling the Exorcist press back against him, he bit his lip with a quiet moan. "I won't tell you to stop me, because I know you won't," He said, leaning close enough to nibble at the boy's shoulderblade. "But please tell me if I'm hurting you, so I can make it better.."

Lavi whimpered, nodding. "I promise," He gasped quietly as he felt his lover's fingers curl against _that_ place, his breathing becoming more labored with need. "God.. Please, 'Mui!"

The scientist chuckled softly, withdrawing his hand. "I know, _Tatao_.. I want it too."

He coated himself with a generous amount of oil, wiping his hand before steadying himself with a light hold on his lover's trembling hip. "I love you," He said, pushing forward carefully. Lavi moaned pleadingly, moving to meet the man's hesitant thrusts.

"Don't..be so nervous," He said, closing his eye tightly. "You're not hurting me at _all_.." He arched his back, urging his lover to continue with both word and action. "I love this.. _'Mui!_." He broke off with a cry as he felt the man's hands tighten. "Oh my fucking _God_ , yes!"

The scientist nodded, adjusting his angle imperceptibly. "It's good, isn't it?" He pressed close, kissing his lover's sharply arched spine as he increased his tempo. "You wouldn't believe how incredible you feel, Lavi.."

The redhead's only response was a broken moan, his fingers clenched with white-knuckled pressure on the wood beneath them. Komui drew a line up the center of his younger lover's back with his tongue, pausing to bury his face against the sweat-dampened hair at his nape.

" _Do_ you like this, Lavi? It sounds like you do.." He moved more forcefully, one hand resting on the boy's chest to steady him as he rocked forward. "I wonder if it's enough though. Do you need more?"

Lavi locked his arms, jerking his hips back with a desperate cry. " _Yes!_ Please don't stop, I want..!"

Komui growled quietly, nodding into his lover's skin. "I wasn't planning on it. Hold on tight, _Tatao_ , because I still haven't made you scream for me."

He thrust forward sharply, wringing a gasping yelp from the smaller boy's throat. Taking note of his increased shudders, he repeated his movements steadily, driving into his partner's body with relentless insistence. "I can _feel_ how close you are, Lavi.. Are you ready?"

The younger boy's cries rose in frequency and volume, his legs shaking as he bucked desperately against his lover's hips. "YES! Now.. _please!_ "

Feeling the Exorcist's muscles begin to clench harshly around him, Komui jerked him upright with a ragged cry of release, crushing his sweat-slickened back to his chest as the boy's voice rose in a broken wail of pleasure.

For several dizzy seconds, neither one moved save to gasp for breath. Once the older man could trust his voice, he sank his head carefully onto his still-trembling lover's shoulder with a sigh. " _Jesus_ , Lavi.." He laughed quietly, his mind still recovering from it's intense high. "Are you all right?"

The boy shifted cautiously, hissing softly as he felt his muscles protest the movement. "I'm just _fine_ , 'Mui. You.. Holy shit," He mumbled, shaking his head. "I can't make sense of _anything_ right now.. Would you be terribly upset if I just said 'Holy shit' a few more times?"

Komui snorted, pulling away gently. "I understand, and I second the statement." He said, urging the boy to turn. Nuzzling his damp cheek fondly, he pressed their lips together as he groped for his discarded towel. Locating it, he broke away with a final nibble on his lover's lower lip. "Let me get that for you.." He whispered, cleaning the signs of their lovemaking from the redheads stomach before making a valiant effort to swab the headboard.

"Oops," Lavi chuckled, moving to the side and lying on one side. Feeling the older man drop the towel to the floor, he tugged gently on his arm to draw him down beside him. Curling against his lover's warmth, he sighed in contented relief. "Could I stay..?" He whispered, biting his lip at the man's sharp breath.

"Of _course_ you can, why would you even ask?" Komui said, draping his arms possessively around the smaller body. "I'm not letting you move one inch until there's a need for you to. You must be out of your mind with exhaustion, Lavi."

Lavi hummed appreciatively, tugging the rumpled blankets back up to cover them. "Thank you."

The scientist nodded sleepily, stroking his lover's back in a soothing motion. "Anytime, Lavi. Are you tired?" He laughed softly at the boy's dozing affirmative. "Sleep well, _Tatao_ ," He murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I know I will, with you here.." His voice dropped to a whisper as he allowed himself to join his lover in repose, the steady sounds of his breathing evoking a relaxation so total that the man could only call it _rightness._

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Back in Lavi's empty room...

A pair of shining black eyes surveyed the dim bedroom, the silence broken as a tiny form struggled over the edge of a shallow wooden box to flop ungracefully onto the carpet. Nose twitching, the small animal searched for any sign of her owner, a muffled squeak of disappointment sounding as she found nothing save a discarded shirt.

Nuzzling it briefly, the young hedgehog made her way around the room, sniffling the walls until she came upon a narrow crack in one corner. Afire with curiosity, she slipped through the crevice, following it until it opened into another room, this one dark and not so silent as her own. Nosing at a pair of boots, the small creature sneezed quietly, the negligible sound going unnoticed as the pair in the bed slept on.

Heaving a soft sigh, the prickly rodent crept deep into the overturned boot, balling herself tightly into the toe with a purr of contentment. Closing her eyes, she slept, comforted by the presence of people who smelt faintly of her owner.

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Hm, I guess not too many people are interested after all.. Ah well, if no one really wants to bother with this fic, I'll continue it on my website and LJ.. As always, feel free to review by replying here, in pm, or email, thanks for reading!


	6. Amitto

And Dare Not Speak Love's Name  
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22  
Chapter Five - _Amitto_  
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Wow, chapter five.. This is coming along pretty well, I think! Thanks to all the readers, especially the one's who've reviewed, you wouldn't believe how helpful it is! Anyway, let's get on with it, eh?  
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Allen awoke to the sound of his lover's voice, the strident battle cries rousing him with a jerk that sent him tumbling from the bed in a tangle of blankets. Struggling free, he peered around the edge of the footboard, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Kanda stood in the center of the room, brandishing his sword furiously at nothing. Rising to his feet, he raised his voice to be heard over the other man's yells of fury. "Kanda! What the _Hell_ are you _doing?!_ "

The swordsman whirled around, narrowly missing his lover with his blade. "There's a fucking _thing_ in my boot! I put my foot in it! Then I shook it and the damned thing tried to _bite_ me!" The other Exorcist stared at his enraged visage skeptically.

"Are you _sure_ you're awake? If there really _were_ something in there, it couldn't be all _that_ big, Kanda." He reached down, ignoring his lover's strangled reply. Lifting the boot, he gave it an experimental jiggle, and peered inside.

All Hell broke loose.

To Kanda, it seemed as if his lover had developed a sudden case of epilepsy. The white-haired boy abruptly flung the boot away and commenced to flail at himself with a frantic shriek, his words too garbled with panic to understand. Something small and equally loud clung to his shirtfront, scrabbling at the soft material as it dodged the Exorcist's hands. Stumbling back, Allen's knees hit the edge of the bedframe, sending him headlong over it and onto the floor.

Kanda moved to help, pausing at a rapid pounding on the door. Yelling a short acknowledgement, he scowled at the tousled red head that appeared. "Lavi, this is _not_ a good time! Something is _attacking_ Moyashi." He ignored the other's confused look, rounding on the now-silent bundle that was his lover. "Moyashi? Are you..What is that!?" He bolted forward, leaning down to stare into the boy's cupped hands. For a moment, he was silent. Then..

"It's a _RAT!_ It's a disfigured mutant _RAT!_ " He staggered back, tripping over himself in his haste. "Why are you _holding it?_ Urgh, I put my _foot_ on it!" He leapt to his feet, backing away. "Get _rid_ of it! It has _spines!_ Why are you _laughing?!_ Throw it out the Goddamned window! Don't just sit there!" He suddenly remembered his sword, pointing it at the giggling boy's hands. "Just.. put it down. _Put. It. Down._ I'll get it."

Lavi grabbed his arm, pulling him around. "Wait a minute! She's not a rat, Yuu-chan!" He ignored the other's growl at the use of his name, shaking his head. "I don't know how she got in here, but you're _not_ slicing up my baby!" Kanda stared at him in horror.

"Baby? What the _fuck_ do you **mean** _baby?!_ It's an _abomination!_ "

Lavi shook his head, walking around the spluttering Exorcist to retrieve his pet. "Aw, he didn't mean it, sweety. Yuu-chan's _always_ hard to deal with when he wakes up.." He took the tiny creature from Allen's hands, turning to face the samurai. "See? Not a rat, Yuu-chan. 'Antha's a hedgehog. _Completely_ different." Kanda scowled at him, pointing his sword at the shivering creature.

"Do _not_ bring that thing over here. Take your rat and get _out_ , Lavi."

The redhead sighed patiently, stroking the animal's head comfortingly. "She's _not a rat,_ Yuu. Look, you hurt her _feelings_!" He held the still-whimpering figure close to his chest, glaring at the disgusted samurai. "Allen's not hurt, are you?" He turned to the shorter boy, smiling at his negative. "See? She didn't mean to attack anybody, you just scared her. Why don't you pet her and say you're sorry? Then you'll get along just fine, she's friendly!"

Allen stood up, peering around the taller boy's shoulder. "Aah, cute! Will she let _me_ pet her? I was holding her, and she didn't bite me or anything.. She was all curled up though."

Lavi positively beamed at the younger boy, offering him the now-calm animal. "She likes it when you rub her belly.. see? It's furry!" Allen took a closer look, bouncing excitedly when the hedgehog squeaked curiously.

"Aah, she _does!_ Oooh, she wants me to! She rolled right over! Oh God, that's _adorable!_ " He stroked the preferred stomach, still ranting about the utter cuteness of the squirming animal. "Her little _feet_! Kanda, look at her _feet!_ Waa, she's ticklish! She kicks like a dog when you..!"

The swordsman snorted, shaking his head. "I'm not _moving_. I can't believe you're so worked up over a prickly _rat_ , Moyashi! _Him_ I can understand, he's an idiot.. But I thought _you_ had more sense." The two glared at him fiercely, replying at once.

**_"She's not a rat!"_ **

Kanda crossed his arms defiantly, glaring back. "It crawls through the walls, squeaks, and it gets in people's shoes." He shook his head at the twin stares of doom. "Just get it _out_ of my room, idiot." Allen drew himself up to his negligible full height.

" _Your_ room? I thought it was _our_ room! You wanted me in here, didn't you?!" He advanced on the suddenly nervous swordsman, his face dark with wrath. "You're horrible! She didn't hurt anything, she was _sleeping_! You stuck your _big foot_ on her and it scared her! Then you started yelling and swinging your _sword_ around like a lunatic! She's just a _baby!_ You should be _ashamed_ of yourself!"

Kanda flushed, his eye twitching dangerously. "I'm not ashamed of _anything_ , Moyashi. The damn thing was in my boot, how was I supposed to know what it was? And what the hell do you mean, _my big foot_? My feet are _fine_ , thank you!"

Allen snorted, shaking his head. "Well, compared to _her_ , they're.. _ginormous!_ " Lavi blinked at his back in amusement.

"Er... I'm pretty sure that's not a real word, Moyashi.." The white haired Exorcist shot him a Look.

"It is now. I used it, it made sense, and _he_ understood me perfectly." Meanwhile, the ' _he_ ' in question had begun to see that this would _not_ be his day. Doing his best to control the urge to throttle his lover, he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Allen, you know I didn't mean it like that." He stepped forward, raising a hand to pull the fuming Exorcist closer. "I just.. I don't like rats. If it's _not_ a rat, then fine. Come here, Lavi, and bring.." He winced, hiding a shudder of disgust. "Bring.. whatever her name was with you."

The redhead eyed him warily, but complied. Keeping a close watch on both his friend and his pet, he held out his hand with a grin. "See? _'Antha's_ not a rat. She doesn't even have a tail! Well, no a ratty one, anyway." He stroked the tiny animal's head, pointing at her spines. "She's not even six months old, really. 'Mui gave her to me a couple of months ago, she snuck into one of the Finder's packs while they were in Africa. Just let her sniff you, and you can pet her."

Kanda frowned at the seemingly-harmless rodent, leaning closer. "Only that idiot would give someone a.." He glanced quickly over at his expectant lover. "A hedgehog as a gift." Turning his attention back to the silent animal, he poked a finger carefully in the direction of her twitching whiskers. "Oi, _sasu-nezumi. Kotchi yo.._ " She stared up at him with shining eyes, leaning back. He moved his hand closer, trying to appear nonthreatening.

" _ssss.._ "

Allen squealed softly, bouncing. "Aah, is she _hissing?_ That's just..!" Lavi tapped the animal's nose gently, his tone chiding.

" _Nooo no!_ That's bad. You shouldn't hiss at Uncle Yuu-chan, 'Antha! He's trying to be nice!"

Allen snickered loudly, covering his mouth at the samurai's indignant growl. The older boy ignored the sound, once again offering his finger. " _Kotchi..._ ARGH! Shit! The Goddamned thing bit me! I'll cut it's ratty little ass in _half!_ " He reached for his sword, lunging at the wide-eyed Exorcist and his satisfied pet.

Lavi yowled in alarm, scrambling away from the murderous onslaught. "Wait! I didn't do it! Yuu, wait!" He dodged a particularly dangerous swing, hearing the blade thunk deeply into the wall where his head had been. "It's just a _little_ bite! She has little teeth! It's a _scratch!_ "

Kanda advanced, striding past his lover, who was currently crouched on the floor howling with glee. "The damn thing probably has the _plague!_ I'm doing the world a favor if I get rid of you _and_ your rat all at once!"

The redhead beat a hasty retreat through the still-open door, wincing at the blistering curses from the room behind him. "Sorry!" He called over his shoulder, ducking around a corner to catch his breath, scowling down at his cupped hands. "That was _bad_ , 'Antha! Yuu-chan's convinced that you're a rat, Allen's no help at _all_ , and I almost lost what's left of my _ass_ back there? Are you happy?"

The tiny animal purred softly, nuzzling his fingers. Lavi dropped all pretense of being annoyed, stroking her still-soft spines in amusement. "Don't do that anymore, bad girl. You're too cute to be mad at, but Yuu-chan has a _looong_ memory, so stay away from there, all right?" The look she gave him was oddly human in its way, almost as if she too found the boy's reaction humorous.

Lavi shook his head in exasperation, lifting her to eye-level. "The Moyashi, he likes you. _He's_ okay, just not the _other_ one. Get me?" The noise she made was unmistakably derisive, and he laughed, allowing her to rub her face against his cheek. "All right, let's go back to 'Mui's room, I kinda just left him there when I heard all the yelling."

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Komui blinked, biting his lip as the now-familiar landscape swam into existence around him. The misshapen forest rose over his head, the blackened and mangled branches rasping against each other with creaking protests as the metallic-scented air moved sluggishly through them.

Turning his head, he shuddered in instinctive disgust at the heat-blackened oak tree nearby, clenching his fists as he waited for the inevitable horror that stood beneath it to acknowledge him.

_'Why are you still so angry?'_

He shook his head tiredly. "I don't want to be here. This place is unclean, why do you keep bringing me back?" The false form of his lover laughed, the sound unnervingly similar to the scraping sounds of the deformed treebranches overhead.

_'You found me all on your own, didn't you? You swore to stay with me, so aren't you coming here to keep your word?'_

He snorted at the wavering shade. "I never promised _you_ anything. You're as much a lie as the rest of this.. Place. None of this means anything, it'll be gone when I wake up."

_'You know better. I'm as real as you are, don't you know that yet? But it doesn't matter.. Soon, I really **will** be gone when you wake. Will you seek me out, then?'_

Komui strode forward, pausing only feet from the grinning figure. "I'll be _glad_ to see you gone. You _aren't_ the one I need, all you are is a vision." The dark boy laughed softly, stretching out a hand that writhed with pestilent shapes.

_'When you say that, I think you break my heart, 'Mui.'_

The man growled indignantly. "Don't you call me that! That's only for _him_ to say, damn you!" He waved his hand impatiently, indicating the figure's decimated chest. "You don't even _have_ a heart. You never have, you're nothing but a rotten shell. Nothing about you is even _close_ to being him. _Nothing._ " The malformed shade grinned tauntingly, seemingly unperturbed by the maggots that feasted on it's lipless mouth and tongue.

_'Then wake up, lover. See for yourself where the **real** me should lay.. Why isn't **he** with you instead of only me?'_

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Komui jerked awake, his hands already thrust out in the direction of his lover's body. Finding his place both cold and empty, he felt a momentary surge of panic. Bolting upright, he strode to his closet, hastily pulling on a pair of casual pants before reaching for a shirt. Hearing a familiar tread in the hall, he dropped the shirt he'd chosen, crossing the room and yanking open the door.

Taking in the surprised face of his lover, he found himself suddenly furious. "Where the hell were you?" He demanded, hauling the younger male into the room by one arm. Slamming the door behind him, he rounded on the other with a growl of annoyance. "Why didn't you _say_ anything? You just _left_ without a damned _word_!"

Lavi shrank back from his angry voice. "I didn't.. I just.. I'm sorry! I heard somebody _screaming_ , 'Mui! It woke me up, so I went to see what was going on!" He straightened, glaring up at his wide-eyed companion. "What the _fuck_ is your problem? After the shit with the Ark, I can't believe _you_ didn't hear it!" The man advanced on him steadily, backing him to the wall.

" _My_ problem is waking up without any idea where the person I fell asleep with is! Do you have the faintest clue how much that sca.. What's that noise?" He broke off, listening intently as a faint but strident hissing sound registered. "What _is_ that?"

Lavi jumped, glancing down at his clasped hands. " _Acantha!_ You stop that _right now_! 'Mui isn't going to do anything, stop hissing!" Komui blinked at the fiercely ruffled animal, backing up a step.

"Oh, God.. She really does think.. I'm sorry, Lavi, I didn't mean to.." He shook his head, horrified at himself. "I'm _sorry_! I just.. You were _gone,_ I thought.." Lavi stared up at him in surprise, his indignation turning to concern as the older man paled.

"What's wrong, 'Mui? Did you think I bailed on you?" He walked quickly to the dresser, placing his still-unnerved pet in her box atop it. Returning to the man's side, he frowned at the disgusted expression on his face. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you, but I _had_ to see what was going on. If there had really been something out there, I would've had to protect you, that's my job! I thought you'd wake up, too." He tugged gently at the scientist's hand, urging him to the bed. "I would _never_ have done that to you. I _love_ you, 'Mui, and that isn't going to change because of something like what we did."

He sat, pulling the shaken man down beside him. "Why would you even _think_ like that? Do you not trust me, Komui?" The other shook his head quickly, latching on to the shorter boy's arms. He moved him closer, holding on tightly as he rested his head against his lover's shoulder.

"I trust you with my life, _Tatao_. I'm sorry for being like that, I just woke badly and it frightened me..Please, can you forgive me for being so stupid?" Lavi snorted quietly, accepting his embrace.

"If you being stupid was a problem, I wouldn't have been in your bed this morning. Just don't do that anymore, all right? You scared 'Antha half to death, 'Mui." He jerked his head in the direction of the dresser. "I don't know how she managed it, but she was in Yuu-chan's _boot_ when he tried to put it on. They.. kinda don't like each other. Moyashi absolutely _adores_ her though."

The older man raised an eyebrow, following his lover's gaze to the animal's box. "I hope she doesn't hold a grudge," He said, shaking his head. "I'd hate to have her angry at me, she's _very_ protective of you, Lavi." The Exorcist nodded thoughtfully.

"She's been like that for a while now. Maybe it's just because she's getting older.." He snickered quietly at the memory of his friend's horrible expression. "Yuu-chan thought she was some kind of mutant rat." Komui laughed, shaking his head.

"He was afraid of her? I wouldn't have pegged him for someone that couldn't deal with a little thing like that." He leaned closer to his giggling lover. "You've got that look that says you know more than you're telling, Lavi.." The redhead nodded happily.

"There _is_ a reason for it, but I'm not going to say. Yuu-chan would go ballistic if I told."

Komui scowled, hiding a faint smile behind the gesture. "Oh, I see how it is. That's all right, _Tatao_ , I actually know a few things that _I've_ managed not to share, too."

Lavi snorted in disbelief. "You can't keep a secret to save your _life_ , 'Mui! Remember the thing with the..!" The scientist cut him off with a kiss, catching his startled hum with his mouth.

"I remember _all_ of the things you could mention, Lavi. Let's not go through the whole list, hm?" The younger boy nodded, laughing.

"If you say so, 'Mui. Are you all right now?" He smiled at the man's firm nod, leaning against his shoulder companionably. "Good. That reminds me, haven't there been _any_ reports at _all_? I can't even remember how long it's been since so many of us were here at once, maybe things are letting up a little?"

Komui shrugged, glancing at the ominously-hissing box on his dresser. "Even the ultimate evil must need a break.. It _could_ be a bad sign, but hopefully they're starting to run out of options." He indicated the box with a nod. "She sounds a little.. Maybe you should just let her bite me and get it over with, _Tatao_?"

Lavi snorted, shaking his head. "I'm not letting her bite you, 'Mui. She'll be okay once she calms down a little, she's had a _busy_ morning." He stood, walking over to peer down at his fussing pet. "You'd better be nice, 'Antha. You know 'Mui isn't like that, he was just worried." He offered her his palm, smiling when she crawled grudgingly into it. "See? He's all better now, aren't you ashamed?"

The tiny animal huffed questioningly, sniffing in the man's general direction. Lavi returned to the bed, looking at her warningly before holding her out to the wary scientist. "Go on, 'Mui. She _knows_ that I'm not kidding. I don't want you two having any hissy fits, so kiss and make up, all right?"

The older man held out his hand, expecting a growl, or even a quick nip. He was pleasantly surprised when the animal snuffed briefly at his fingers before scrambling into his hand with a plaintive squeak. He stroked her cheek carefully, delighted when she leaned into the contact. "Ahh, I'm sorry I yelled.." He said, lifting his hand to eye level. "I won't do it anymore, I promise." 'Antha regarded him calmly, her inky eyes bright with intelligence.

"She really _does_ seem like she understands, doesn't she? What an astonishing thing.." He smiled at his companion, pleased with the swift reconciliation. "Better, Lavi? No more 'hissy fits'."

Lavi snorted, shaking his head. "Yeah, that's better.. I _really_ don't need to try dodging _two_ attempts at my life in one day." He watched the older man stroke his pet's stomach, grinning at the domesticity of the scene. "Aren't you just the cutest things.. Besides your sappiness, was the dream really that bad, 'Mui? You have been a little edgy lately.." The scientist forced a smile, shaking his head.

"Not really, it just made me wake up in a bad mood." He handed the animal back to his lover, leaning back against him. "I'll tell you if any reports come in, Lavi. It must be boring, not being able to get out of here after staying so busy before.." The younger boy nodded, sighing.

"It is, a little.. Mostly, I just worried about you, though. I didn't really get to see you, but when I did, you always looked so down.." He smiled, allowing his pet to make her way up his sleeve. "Silly girl.. Anyway, I'm glad you're not like that now, but I really wish you would have talked to me about it."

Komui nodded, his expression regretful. "I wish I had, too. I didn't know what to say, but I really should have tried to tell you." Glancing at the clock, he sighed. "I should probably get started on the paperwork, it's not going to do itself.." Lavi snickered at his put-upon manner.

"Right, like you really have much to do. You've got that office of yours pretty much covered, don't you? All that time moping accomplished _something_ , anyway." Komui nudged him teasingly.

"Wasn't everyone complaining about the backlog? I see how you are, I go and do it and you guys give me grief.. What's a poor old man to do, slaving over things that nobody cares about anyway?"

Lavi pushed back, laughing. "Oh, what _ever_! There's nothing _'poor'_ or _'old'_ about you.. But we probably _will_ give you a hard time, since you did all that so fast after putting it off for that long."

The scientist muttered quietly, rising to his feet. "Are you busy, later? If you are, I can wait until tomorrow.." Lavi shook his head, curious.

"Not really, but what would you wait for? Did you want to stop by or something, 'Mui?" The older man nodded slightly, smiling as he retrieved his shirt.

"If you don't mind. I really _haven't_ seen too much of you lately, I'd like to start breaking that habit." Lavi snickered, pushing himself up to join him.

"Really? I thought by now you would have seen _plenty_."

Komui scowled down at him, pulling him close by an elbow. "I saw more than I probably _should_ have. Besides that, I'd like to just be _with_ you for a while.. I really have missed you, Lavi." He avoided the prickly lump near the boy's shoulder, enfolding him in a tight hug. "Would after dinner be all right with you? It can be later than that, if you'd rather.."

Lavi returned the gesture, sighing in contentment. "Anytime you want, 'Mui. If you get there earlier, that's more time to stay, hm?" He leaned up, kissing his jaw fondly. "I'm going to the library, since there's nothing else that needs doing.. Panda's been bitching about me 'slacking', it's starting to get old."

He pulled away regretfully, waiting for the older man to collect his coat and hat. "I'll be back in time, though.. Just drop in whenever you feel like it." He smiled brightly, walking to the door. "I'll even promise not to molest you.. Unless you _ask_ me to." Komui snorted, closing the door behind them.

"Honesty is the best policy, Lavi. You'd probably consider showing up as asking!"

Lavi raised an eyebrow, grinning mischievously up at the older man. "Oh? Would you stand me up if I agreed with you? I'll believe _that_ when I don't see you." Stealing a quick good-bye kiss, he laughed. "Work hard, Oh Great Supervisor. Your _day_ might belong to those papers, but your evening is _mine._ Don't forget to scrap that _contraption_ of yours, either!"

The scientist shook his head, watching the Exorcist saunter in the direction of the library. "That boy.." He muttered, smiling. Remembering the reason for their disagreement, he sighed. _'I can't believe that it frightened me so much,'_ He thought, heading toward his office. _'I've **never** gotten angry with him like that before.. It wasn't even his fault! He had every right to knock my lights out for that, I almost wish he had..'_

Forcing away his darkening mood, he quickened his steps. Seeing the doorway to the science department ahead, he straightened, snorting in amusement as he noticed that his hastily chosen shirt was both inside out and backwards. "I really must be going senile.."

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Lavi hummed tunelessly as he perused the long row of books before him. Picking a few at random, he walked to a table, slumping into the highbacked chair with a sigh. _'Hm, maybe I should try napping before dinner.. '_

Shrugging off his lethargy, he took the top book from his stack, glancing boredly at the cover. _' **A Study Of The World Through Sleep**? Why the hell did I even **get** this?'_ Setting it aside, he reached for the next one, stifling a yawn. _'Maybe 'Mui wouldn't mind a little downtime, too.. He looks like he hasn't been getting any rest.'_ He stretched briefly, wincing at the slight twinge in his muscles.

Recalling the reason for his aches, he smiled. _'He really is **mine** , now..'_ The thought made him almost giddy for a moment, pushing aside his lingering sleepiness in favor of more pleasant emotions. _'I wonder what made him change his mind like that, though.. I've been **awful** about it, the entire time we've been together!'_ He sighed, closing the book he had yet to so much as look at.

He laid his arms on the tabletop, resting his head atop them. _'I should take these back to my room.. I'm not going to get anything done just sitting here, I'm more likely to just fall asleep.'_ Closing his eye, he laughed. "The old man is right, I'm doing a _lot_ of slacking off.. Not to mention talking to myself."

The library's quiet atmosphere did little to rouse him to action, and he found himself slipping to the edge of repose, dreaming almost before he knew that he slept..

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The first thing he noticed was the _smell_ of the place, a tang of something metallic and decayed. Wrinkling his nose in distaste, he turned in a slow circle, taking in the limited view that the low lighting provided.

There seemed to be treelimbs overhead, their branches jagged and broken with rot. The ground below was littered with hunks of rotting vegetation, and unsavory-looking _things_ crept sluggishly throughout.

"What the _hell_..?"

Hearing a faint sound, he whipped around, prepared for almost anything.

Except himself.

It was _not_ the copy he'd encountered while trapped in the Noah girl's twisted reality, nor did it resemble any of his previous personas, save that the face and form were indeed his own. The _thing_ before him smiled, it's benevolent expression only made worse by it's lack of a proper mouth.

 _'Well, isn't **this** a pleasant surprise,'_ It murmured, working it's way in a circle around him, leaning closer to peer at his disgusted face. _'But one is just as good as the other.'_

Lavi stepped back, waving his hand at the putrid smell of the thing. "God, I must have been sleepier than I thought, if I'm seeing _this_ kind of shit!" The being snorted quietly, ignoring the pieces of skin that dropped from it's left cheek as it waved a skeletal hand.

 _'You hurt my feelings, I think.. Well, you would, if I had them.'_ It paused in it's inspection, reaching forward to seize his lapels. _'You're going to kill him, did you know? You're going to take his life when you leave him, Bookman.'_

Lavi jerked back, swiping futilely at the smear left behind by its fingers. "Don't call me that, it isn't me anymore. And how the hell would _you_ know? As far as I can tell, you aren't God.."

The mockery of himself only laughed harder, shaking its misshapen head in mirth. _'I don't **need** to be God to know that. Do you know what's going to happen, Bookman? You're going to be exactly like I am, a shell that has no purpose, something to drive him mad.'_

The Exorcist shook his head angrily, ignoring the figure's grin as he stepped close. "Like hell. I think I'm going to wake up now, you're starting to get on my nerves." He turned his back resolutely, walking toward the blackened horizon. The creature waved condescendingly, its hand as fleshless as its face.

_'Have a good time, brother. Remember to tell your **lover** that you'll miss him, when you go. Don't worry about him too much, though. **I'll** be here to keep him company, until he goes to join you!'_

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Lavi jumped in his seat, wincing at his numbed arms. Frowning at the pins and needles sensation, he shook them roughly to dispel the pain. "Stupid damn dream," He muttered, coming to his feet and collecting his unread books. Looking up at the clock, he snorted at the lateness of the hour, seeing that he'd almost missed having dinner. "Great. Now I'm late, and I feel like I slept in a barrel."

He strode from the silent room, allowing the door to swing closed behind him as he made his way to the cafeteria. Spotting his better-avoided 'friend', he chose a table far enough away to insure himself against the loss of needed body parts. Stacking his books carefully, he dropped his coat on the bench, smiling at the Finder who sat opposite. "You don't mind if I sit here, do you?"

The man smiled hesitantly in reply, shaking his head. "Anywhere you like, Exorcist-san." Lavi snorted at his formality, waving a tired hand.

"Don't be like that, huh? Call me Lavi, or idiot, or something. Either one works." The Finder gaped at him stupidly for a moment, astonished at his derogatory suggestion.

"I.. I can't do that! Who would call you an idiot?" Lavi snickered, smiling brightly.

"Pretty much everyone. Hold that thought, I'll be back in a minute, hey?" He walked to the ordering counter, asking for 'something spicy'. Jerry beamed at him encouragingly, returning with a plate of what seemed to be spaghetti. Thanking him quickly, he returned to his table, eyeing the food skeptically. "It looks all right.." He muttered, winding a fair-sized amount onto his fork. Looking at the still-reserved Finder, he grinned.

"You must be one of the new ones.. If you'd been here for a while, you'd _know_ that people call me names all the time." He sniffed experimentally, shrugging at the harmless-appearing food. Taking a bite, he chewed thoughtfully, wondering why the eccentric cook had chosen the dish. Swallowing, he looked up at the wide-eyed man across from him. "Something on me?"

The Finder shook his head, pointing at the dish. "Exor...I mean, Lavi-san.. Did you ask for that to be.. _spicy_?"

The redhead nodded confusedly. "Yeah, I think he messed it up though, it's just..like..spaghetti.. _**Holy SHIT!**_ " He quickly snatched up his water glass, choking and fanning his mouth. "Oh, God! What _is_ this?!"

The man rose to his feet in alarm. "The noodles are made with powdered Jalapeno! He mixes the dough half and half. Here, I haven't drank any of this.." He handed the coughing boy his own drink, fidgeting nervously. "I know because I ordered that yesterday. It took _hours_ to make it stop burning.. You only had a little though, I ate the whole thing before it hit me."

Lavi coughed, wiping his streaming eye with his napkin. "Well, fuck _that_. Thanks for the water, though." He laughed at the man's awkward smile. "You _can't_ tell me that you don't think that's funny. I've been here _way_ too long to have let him get me like that.. Oh, well.. What's your name?"

The Finder returned to his seat, allowing himself a quiet chuckle. "Jon Masters.. And it's only funny because it isn't _me._ "

Lavi nodded in agreement. "I'd probably think it was funnier if I didn't feel like somebody decided to stick _Hell_ in my mouth. Nice to meet you though, when did you start working here?" He took another drink of water, wincing at the lingering burn.

Jon grinned, shaking his head at the Exorcist's distaste. "About a month ago. A friend of mine used to work here, but I think he must have died. I haven't heard from him for almost a year." Lavi frowned sympathetically.

"Maybe, but they usually don't let Order members have to much to do with outsiders. He might be at one of the other branches by now though, have you been asking around?"

The man nodded. "I tried asking some of the other Finders, but nobody knew anything. We weren't all that close, really." He pointed at the other's weapon. "Mind if I ask what it does? Some of the things I've seen were pretty interesting, like the younger boy over there with the cursed arm.. And the nervous lady. It must be nice to have something like that, I wish I had a way to fight like you do."

Lavi pulled the hammer from it's sheath, holding it out. "It gets bigger when I ask it to. I can use it for elemental seals, too." Jon reached for the shrunken weapon, turning it around in his hands with a frown.

"I don't really get it, but maybe I'll get to see you use it sometime. The Supervisor said they'd start sending me out, pretty soon." He shuddered, handing the hammer back. "That guy gives me the creeps.. Something about him just feels off, like he watching a little _too_ close, you know? Maybe he's just really.. _friendly_ , I dunno. His sister's gorgeous, though."

Lavi smiled, ignoring the niggling sensation that things were about to get unpleasant. "Linali? Yeah, she's great.. What do you mean, off? Did he say something strange?" The man snorted, shaking his head.

"I can't understand _half_ of what he says.. I'm sure he's nice and all, but sometimes I wonder if he might be into guys." He shuddered briefly, waving a hand. "The Church wouldn't let one of _those_ stay here, would they? I mean, they wouldn't even have hired him, if he was queer."

Lavi sucked in a quick breath, but the man continued before he could form a reply. "Come to think of it, that boy with the sword seems a little feminine, if you know what I mean.. Keeps his hair like a woman." He gestured in the samurai's general direction, failing to notice the redhead's silent glare. "Don't they check for that kind of thing? I heard one of the other guys talking, and he said that the cursed one and that fellow are shacking up." He laughed, shaking his head.

"The little one seemed like a good kid though, so I guess it doesn't matter if he's taking it up the..!" Lavi shoved the bench away from the table, slamming his hands down hard enough to rattle the dishes.

"Don't say it. If you want to keep your bigoted head on, don't say a fucking _word_." He leaned down, aware of the startled glances from various directions. "That _boy_ you're insulting is probably the best Exorcist we _have_ , but you probably didn't know that. You _also_ don't know that his _boyfriend_ would kill you if he heard you." Holding the man's wide-eyed stare, he bent closer. "And as long as we're on the subject, _my_ boyfriend wouldn't kill you, but I'm not as _'friendly'_ as he is."

The man shot to his feet hastily. "You mean.. _You_ and that weirdo..? That's _disgusting_ , he's twice your age! Is _that_ what goes on here, just bullshit and faggotry? No wonder we're losing the war, you people are too busy _buggering_ each other to save anything!"

Lavi dropped his hammer to the table, straightening in readiness. "If I were you, I'd think _really_ hard about the next few words that come out of your mouth. And as a side note, he's eleven years older, not twenty. Learn to count, asshole."

Jon laughed harshly, waving his hand. "Like it matters. It's still just a dirty old man taking advantage of a stupid _child_." He eyed the redhead disdainfully, shaking his head. "That must be what was _off_ about him.. I'm only a few years older than you are, so he was probably staring at my ass the entire..!"

The Exorcist lunged across the table, catching the larger man by his collar. Jerking him up and over, he ignored the surprised yells and breaking glass that accompanied his movements. He flung the man briskly to the floor, stepping back to avoid a kick aimed at his ankles. Allowing the Finder to rise, he wasted no time stepping forward, his fist halting the man's abusive tirade with a satisfying _crack_. "Keep on talking, smartass. There's _plenty_ more where that came from."

The man wiped his mouth on a sleeve, spitting blood in blatant scorn. "I think you've made a mistake, candy-boy. I started boxing when I was about six years old.. I'd really hate to make you look bad in front of your _lover_ over there."

Lavi snorted rudely, refusing to look away. "Those two are together, remember? I'm in love with _'that weirdo'_." The older man nodded, laughing.

"Oh, I remember, believe me. Your oddball is over there gaping like a moron, but I guess that's nothing new, is it?" He pointed briefly, grinning at the other's wide eye. "Like I said, you're about to get embarrassed, so it's better if you just prance your little ass over there and get happy."

The Exorcist stiffened slightly, still refusing to turn. "No, I don't think that I'd better... And as far as being _embarrassed_ , you're going to have it worse, getting your ass whipped by a _faggot_."

The older man shook his head, laughing. "Whatever you say, man. I guess we'd better get on with it, it looks like your _pals_ are having a hard time keeping him over there." He swung viciously at the Exorcist's seemingly unprotected face, but his fist met only air. Lavi snorted, waving a hand.

"You'll have to be a _lot_ faster than that.. I fight Akuma, remember?" He risked a quick glance in the direction the man had indicated, wincing at the sight of his friends physically restraining his lover. "Great. Well, if that's how it is.." He stepped forward swiftly, dodging another attempt at his face. Catching the surprised Finder's arm, he jerked hard, sending the man sprawling with a well-placed kick to the backside.

"If you have any sense, you'll get up and head straight for the door."

Jon leapt to his feet, his face a dull red as he swore. "Like I'd run from some little queer. You might be fast, but I'd still beat you down if you were normal. Must be nice having Innocence to help you out."

The redhead laughed, shaking his head. "That has nothing to do with it. You really _must_ be new, if you don't know that. Equipment type Innocence doesn't work that way, only parasitic, like Allen's." He avoided the man's next swing, sighing. "Really.. You're making me feel bad." The sound of his lover's voice grew louder, as he drug the two Exorcist's along with him in his approach. Lavi snorted quietly, imagining the irate man struggling to move despite the other's weight.

As much as I hate to do this, I don't have time to play with you anymore. Head to the infirmary when you wake up, all right?" He ignored the Finder's angry retort, stepping to the side faster than the man could easily follow, lashing out with one boot-clad foot. When the other made to avoid the kick, he swung, landing a hard right to his face even as he followed through with a left to the ribs. The older man staggered briefly, lunging at him persistently as he wheezed.

The Exorcist sighed, repeating the combination and adding a second right to the man's temple for good measure. The Finder blinked dazedly, shaking his head with a growl of fury. Shoving off the hands of a helpful onlooker, he charged the waiting boy with a yell.

Lavi stood patiently, shifting his weight as he neared. When the man drew within striking range, he reached out, catching his shirtfront tightly and jerking him forward. Slamming his bent knee into the other's midsection, he brought his elbow down sharply at the point where his spine met his skull, allowing him to slump to the floor. "I told you, I don't have time to play with bigots." He looked up, catching the wide eyes of another Finder. "Haul his ass to the Nurse, she'll fix him. And when he wakes up, make sure that he knows I _could_ have killed him, Order member or not."

He turned to face his raging lover, sighing at the man's horrible expression. "Hey, um.. Wanna go talk..?" The scientist glanced between the overturned bench, the crumpled Finder, and his partner's hopeful face.

"That sounds _fitting,_ Lavi." He said, finally. Turning on his heel, he caught the boy's arm firmly, pulling him through the assembled crowd toward the door. Grinning sheepishly at the concerned expression on his white-haired friend's face, he waved hopelessly.

When Komui judged them to be far enough from the room, he rounded on the other furiously, still holding tight to his arm. "What the _hell_ was that? There's a room full of people in there, and close to twenty of them would stand up in a review and swear that they saw you put your hands on some random Finder having dinner! Have you lost your _mind?_ "

Lavi winced at his painfully-clenched fingers, tugging briefly. "Let go, 'Mui." The older man shook his head, yanking him forward a step.

"Not until you explain to me exactly _what_ happened there! I saw the whole thing from less than fifty feet away, and I don't have any _idea_ what that was! He was talking, and you just jumped up and grabbed him! Even _Kanda_ lets them get in the first hit, Lavi! What's _wrong_ with you?"

The redhead pulled harder, struggling to keep calm in the face of his lover's ire. "Let _go_ , 'Mui. You're _hurting_ me." The older man released him abruptly, stepping back. Rubbing the sore area, Lavi sighed. "He was talking all right. That's the problem." Seeing the man open his mouth for another question, he frowned. "Don't worry about that. What you need to worry about right now is the fact that you dragged me out before I could get my hammer. I wouldn't put it past that guy, or one of his friends, for that matter.."

The older man cut him off with a snort. "Don't worry about it, he says.. Do you have any _idea_ how bad this is going to be? An experienced Exorcist, attacking an innocent man over something he _said?_ You'll be lucky if they don't _take_ your damned hammer and confine you!"

Lavi stiffened as if he'd been slapped. "My _damned hammer?_ You mean the _damned hammer_ that I use to keep the fucking _world_ safe? The one that _you_ fixed after it broke in the Ark? Think hard, 'Mui. That _thing_ is like a part of me. Not caring about _it_ is just like not caring about _me_."

He glared up at the man's pale face. "Don't curse the thing that protects me, Komui. The next time it breaks, I might break with it. Then you can stand around _damning_ anything you want." He stepped around the man's outstretched arm. "I'm going to my room." He said, avoiding the other's attempt to catch his shoulder with a jerk. "Don't. Touch. Me. This is the second time in _one fucking day_ that you've put your hands on me without letting me say _anything_ to defend myself. Try it again and I'll knock you flat, Mr. Supervisor."

Leaving the older man staring dumbly at his back, he strode purposefully toward his room, thankful that he'd left his pet in her box before going down for dinner. _'That would have been even worse, she probably would have bitten that asshole and caught some disease..'_

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Komui stood rooted to the floor, watching his lover go. Shaken by his own reaction to the boy's fight, he sighed. Making his way back to the deserted cafeteria, he searched briefly around the now-uprighted bench until he spied the Exorcist's weapon, resting against the table leg out of sight. Picking it up, he inspected it carefully for damage before tucking it reverently into a pocket.

He returned to his room in silence, noting that the boy had also forgotten to take his discarded clothing with him that morning. Wincing at the memory of their exchange, he dropped the clothes into his own hamper before slumping tiredly onto the unmade bed, lying back with a quiet snort. "I just can't keep my mouth shut, can I?" He mused out loud, addressing the uncaring ceiling. Taking the small form of his lover's Innocence from it's place, he held it gently in his palm.

 _'I'll give him some time to cool off, and then I'll take it back and apologize..'_ He thought, turning onto his side. _'I just hope he'll talk to me, after that..'_ Closing his eyes, he ignored the unnerving quiet of the room, already missing the other's presence. _'There **has** to be more to it than just talk,'_ He sighed, tightening his grip on the handle of the hammer. _'He **never** does things like that, he's not the kind of person who just **jumps** someone over nothing..'_

Rolling onto his stomach, he buried his face into the pillow with a groan of confused frustration. _'I have to fix this,'_ He thought, inhaling the scent of his absent lover. _'I can't just leave things like that, I **need** him..'_

The lamp guttered out, leaving him alone in the darkness that so closely mirrored the darkness of his thoughts.

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And that's that! Stay tuned for the next chapter to follow soon(er!) after this! Thanks for reading, and as always, please review! Ja!


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